An American at Hogwarts

Chapter Thirty-One

The last words ripped themselves out of my mouth. I screamed them at the top of my lungs, so loud they burned my throat. I let them be dragged away by the wind and rain just outside the tower.

I sank back down to the floor, exhausted now that everything was out in the open.

"I'm supposed to be a Gryffindor, Uncle Rhodey. More than that I'm supposed to be a Stark. I'm supposed to be brave."

"Alexa, did I ever tell you about my first combat mission? I was new, with no experience under my belt. Years and years of training, but I'd never been in a real life-or-death situation before. My wingman and I were flying our route, and I was anticipating the appearance of enemy fighters any minute. I knew they were coming, but I still wasn't ready for it.

"Two planes were bearing down on us before I even knew what was happening. My wingman took one, and I was supposed to take the other, but I froze."

"Come on Uncle Rhodey," I sniffled, sitting up a little to look at him. "You froze?"

"Believe it or not Alexa, I did. I got the second plane in my sights and instead of taking the shot I just stared at my targeting display, finger hovering over the trigger. I lost the shot before I could take it, and my wingman almost went down in flames because of it. I got lucky, and my wingman was good enough that I had time to recover from my mistake. But I could've killed him."

I stared at Rhodey for a minute, and he just gave me an understanding look. The regret on his face was probably an exact mirror to the regret on mine.

"Hesitating doesn't make you a coward, Alexa. It makes you human."

I know it sounded ridiculous, but it never really occurred to me that my family of heroes ever made such big mistakes. Whenever I saw them, they were acting quickly and pulling off some crazy plan to save the world. Sure, there were problems sometimes, but they always succeeded. The mistakes were usually because a villain surprised them, not because they hesitated or doubted themselves.

It was nice to know they made mistakes like me. That they were still human. And if Rhodey (probably the most put-together Avenger) made a mistake like that, I knew everyone else on the team would have a similar story. It wasn't just me.

I took a deep breath, finally feeling calmer. "Thanks Uncle Rhodey. I... I really needed to hear that."

"Any time sweetheart. Keep in mind that you usually see all us heroes at our best. We have our worst moments too."

"I'll remember that. And hey, maybe when I get back from Christmas break we can do a little more training anyway? Just... I don't know, just in case."

"Of course. Your dad and I need to give you a little training in that suit, too," he said, grinning. "You've flown it all over New York, but you've never trained with it."

I couldn't help breaking out into a grin. "I can't wait."

I glanced around at the dark astronomy tower, and I suddenly realized how late it was. I needed to go check on Harry now, for real. Hopefully he'd be awake.

"Thanks for talking to me Uncle Rhodey. I really am feeling a lot better."

"Hey, I'm here for you any time you need me. That's what a godfather is for."

I smiled. "I'll see you in a few months?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay. Goodnight, Uncle Rhodey."

"Night, Alexa." I ended the call, and his blue hologram flicked before disappearing completely. I carefully took off my Stark glasses and tucked them into my robes. I was still kneeling in the middle of the Astronomy tower, and I took a deep breath of the cold, fresh air before I stood.