Coming back to life

Chapter III

When I got home, Grace was already there.

-Don't you work? - I asked kind of brutally, i just wanted to be alone 

-Lunch break, not even one decent restaurant or coffee near my work, remember? - she said with her cocky grin

-Oh yeah, what are you cooking? - I asked pretending to care

-Bolognese! Want some? - she asked with a happy look on her eyes, like it meant a lot for her if I ate that meal with her.

-Yeah, sure. - I gave her a little small. It was small but it was the first real smile I gave someone since that day. 

She served our plates and set them on the table, we sat down and started to eat quietly, I knew what she wanted to ask so I broke the silence 

-The group therapy is shit, its so depressing, you have no idea Gracie. I didn’t speak today, i just couldn’t. - I stopped and looked at her, waiting for her to say something, she looked at me expecting me to continue talking. - I saw his mom today. At the cemetery, she wants me to move on and find another person to marry and have kids with Grace. How can she tell me something like that when her son pasted away only one month ago? 

-She's just trying to help Annie! She is right, if you feel it’s too soon take your time, but you can’t keep at this forever, you have to live your life honey, you know thats what Alex would have wanted. -she speaks in her calmest voice

-How can I know Grace? We never even spoke about this stuff, I know thats what I would want him to do if it was me but I don't know what he thought about this. - I feel the tears slipping down my face. 

-He loved you Annie, he loved you more than anything. And when you love someone like Alex loved you, you want that person to move on and be happy again if they have to. All the things we say he would have wanted are based on this Annie, based on the fact that he loved him more than he loved himself. 

-I know… - I can’t bring my self to say anything else. I get up, pick up out plates and start washing the dishes. Grace comes up to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead “You’ll get through this Annie, I have to go to work now, I’ll see you in a few hours roommate” . 

I nod. 

I finish the dishes and head to my room, turn off the lights, close the blinds and crawl up in bed. What else was I supposed to do? It’s not like I’m going to go for a run or something, I have no motivation to do anything. 

I close my eyes and see his face, my lovely angel, I start going through his features to make sure that I still remember him perfectly. I see him with his blue jeans, and red hoodie, his favorite hoodie, I have to keep it, his tall well structured body, his beautiful face, his blue piercing eyes, his dark blond spiky messed up hair, his severe jaw line, his perfect smile. The fact that I can still recall all his features and his voice is strangely calming. Keeping my eyes shut, I remember our last night together, he got home on a very good mood, he has been called to make some weeding photos for some top business man that was suppose to lift his career, he was so excited, and I was excited for him, my lovely angel. I remember him coming home with bags from the Chinese take out, and a little blue box. He gave me the box, it was a beautiful, sparkling bracelet, i put it on immediately and leaned in to give him a thank you kiss. We had dinner and watched TV on the couch, America’s Next Top Model was our thing. When the show ended he grabbed my hips and kissed me fondly, I kissed him back, I remember thinking “I love this man so much its overwhelming sometimes”. I put my legs around his hips and he lifted us up and took me to the bedroom, he laid me in bed and kissed me softly taking my clothes and his off, the kisses started to get intense and he grabbed me by the waist and put me on top of him and humorously said “ride me baby”, I leaned forward and kissed him wildly, slowly putting him inside me, and boy did we make love that night! It was one of our greatest nights, almost as if he knew it would be our last. We had sex three times that night and as he said afterwards two of the times we made love but the third one, we really fucked. I was so embarrassed when he said that, but he wasn't lying. I then remembered our most memorable moments about our seven wonderful years together,our first kiss, when i met his parents, when he met my parents, our first time, our first time thinking we were pregnant (because every couple has those), our holidays together, when we moved in together, when he proposed to me in a restaurant full of people clapping and screaming “say yes!” .Oh my man, I miss him so, I miss his voice, his touch, his stubbornness, I miss everything about him. It was only when I opened my eyes that I realized I would have been crying all these time while reminiscing on our times together. I look up at the alarm clock 6 pm. Shit! I’ve been here all afternoon!