OVER MY HEAD

OVER MY HEAD, Chapter 1

"I'm not passive." I cross my arms. 

"I'm sorry but you are. You're always waiting for things to happen. Remember, she who hesitates is lost." 

"I'm not lost," I say a bit too defensively. 

"Oh, Sang. I just want you to be happy like David and me. It seems all wrong me feeling so wonderful when I sense you're so..." Megan gives me this worried look and tucks a lock of hair into her cap. 

"When I'm so what?" 

"Well," she says, wrinkling her brow, "so unloved and so very very alone." 

"Damn." My own brow wrinkles. "But what do you want me to do? This isn't some school project. I can't just plan on falling in love this summer and then make it happen." 

Megan's large eyes grow even larger. "But that's brilliant! Just break it into steps and follow through, right? Step one: find a guy you like." She shrugs. "Seems you've got that covered. Step two: make your move. Step three: say those three magic words." 

I laugh. "Sure, Megan." 

"I still got a minute. I'll help you kick off step two right now. Wait here." 

"No!" I grab at her but she wriggles away, dashes over to Gary and immediately starts talking. 

I cringe. Megan's definitely not what you'd call smooth when it comes to dealing with guys. She blurts out the craziest things. Like asking them if their socks smell. Or if they shave under their arms. She's a mess, which is partly why she and David are so perfect together. He's too bizarre to care. 

I get to Gary only a moment later. Megan is saying to him, "So feel stuff. Feel Sang." 

"What?" Gary grins. 

"Oh, I don't mean to feel her," Megan says. "Not with your hands. Unless you want to. And she wants you to, of course." 

I close my eyes, pretending I'm somewhere else. Anywhere else. 

"What I'm trying to say, Gary, is you must feel Sang deep inside." 

My eyes fly open. "Megan!" 

"What's wrong with that? I'm just trying to tell Gary to be sensitive to your needs. And right now you need him to walk you home." 

"No problem," Gary says, standing. "I'll walk with you part-way, Sang." 

"See? No problem," Megan says. She winks at me as Gary and I head off into the sunset. Or rather, into the noontime glare of State Street. 

We walk by places that over the past week I'd tried without success to get a job at: Nat's Pizza, the Bagel Barrel, and a bunch of pricey restaurants. So far, the only job I've been able to line up this summer is dog sitting for my neighbor's poodle. Not exactly the big bucks. 

Gary lopes alongside me and he's quiet quiet quiet. I begin to babble about my summer plans. Not the ridiculous "fall in love plan." Instead I talk about the week with my family at the Shore. About planning to read everything in sight. Going to parties, swimming at friends' houses. (Actually, I think to myself, sunbathing because I don't swim-ever. And I don't really sunbathe much. Since my dad is from India, all I have to do is step out the door and I instantly darken from a light chai color to toasty golden marshmallow to dark chocolate. I'm the United Nations of skin all in a matter of an hour or two.) 

God. I'm still babbling. What am I saying? Something about us spending tons of time together? How is he ever going to ask me out if I never shut up? 

Then I see THE dress in the window of the This Is It! boutique. I can't believe it's still there. It's 1950s retro and strapless, with red fabric and a wide black sash. As soon as Gary asks me out, I'll get my mom to buy it for me as an advance birthday present. I will wear it to Anna's birthday, where everything will be perfect. I imagine myself on the dance floor with Gary. I can practically feel his arm around my waist and sense the warm passion as the two of us stare deeply into each other's eyes. 

"Nice," Gary says with feeling. 

I turn to him but his eyes aren't on me. They're not even on the dress. He's looking at Trish Crowdly. She's walking with her clones Meredith and Liselle. 

Trish. Sort of rhymes with a choice B word. She's spoiled. Going into twelfth grade too. But while I just got my permit in April (okay, so I applied for it really late), Trish already has had her driver's license and her own car for forever. She has one of those early birthdays. She does everything early. Like guys. She has tanning salon-darkened skin, bleached teeth, and the rose tattoo on her hip is always exposed above her low-slung jeans. 

From elementary school through middle school, Trish thoroughly enjoyed making my life miserable. Fortunately she's not in any of my honors classes, so I rarely see her these days. Unfortunately, Gary seems to be getting a real good look at her right now. His eyes follow Trish as she continues strutting along the sidewalk. 

I spot a rare "Help Wanted" sign in the window of Coffee & Cream and immediately pull Gary toward it. "Need to grab a job application," I explain. 

We climb the steps and I open the door to the tiny coffee shop. Inside is refreshing air conditioner cool and there's the delicious scent of fresh coffee beans. 

"Isn't that Gina Baldarasi's older sister behind the counter?" Gary asks. 

I nod. Even after all this time, I still feel a pang of sadness hearing Gina's name. I guess that's just how it is with an ex-best friend. 

"Oh, hey kid," Michelle Baldarasi says as we approach her. She's sporting a nose ring and wearing a blue apron over her camouflage pants and khaki T-shirt. She always looks like she's ready for war. "How's your brother? He around?" She waggles her eyebrows. 

"Yeah. I'll tell him you were asking for him." Michelle graduated from high school with my brother Hari. I think they may have even gone out for a little while. I am so getting this job. "Could I have a job application?" 

She shakes her head. "Sorry. All the regular spots are filled. Just a management position left. College age only." 

"Oh. Great." 

"Too bad you didn't come in like two weeks ago. Hey! You. I told you to buzz off." Michelle springs from behind the counter and swats a towel at a tall man in a tweed jacket. The man holds up his hands to ward off the attack and dashes out of the shop. Michelle walks back to us. "Sorry. That guy completely pisses me off. Twice in a row he ordered food and left without paying. And the owner took it out of my pay. Does that suck or what?" 

Gary says, "You were amazing." 

Michelle grins. "True. Hey, power to the people." She raises her fist like she's just liberated the world. 

"Power," I say and partly raise my fist, but I feel more like a cheerleader than a conqueror. 

Quick as a flash, Gary and I are back on the sidewalk in front of the store, and to my relief, Trish is nowhere in sight. 

Gary says, "Michelle Baldarasi is awesome. So confident and sure, you know? I wish more girls were sure of themselves." 

I wish more guys were. Time ticks on. I imagine my dad waiting for me, tapping his toe, frowning. "Uh, Gary, didn't you want to say something to me before? To ask me something?" I hate how pushy I sound. 

"Um, well yeah, actually." He runs his hands through his hair. 

This, really, is it. I hold my breath. 

"Sang," he says, "do you think Michelle might go out with me?"