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I'VE MISSED MY last three therapy sessions, and, unsurprisingly, Julia is not happy.
"Help me understand this, Casey," she says, on the Thursday afternoon I finally drag myself into the clinic after she leaves voicemail after voicemail on my home phone, my cell phone, and my parents' phones. "You just ... haven't felt like coming in for the past month?"
Julia has gotten a haircut since I last saw her, and replaced one of the pictures of her kids on her desk with a new one. The quote on the bulletin board behind her desk now reads:
Always Remember That You Deserve Happiness.
"It's not that I haven't felt like coming in," I explain. "It's just that I've been ... happy. Really happy. And do I really have to come to therapy if I feel happy?"
Julia takes a deep breath. Then she puts her pen down on the table very gingerly and folds her hands.
And that's when I know that I'm screwed.
"Casey, of course I'm grateful and relieved to hear that you've been feeling happier lately. But therapy isn't just about coping with sadness. It's also about understanding yourself more. Building healthy relationships with other people. Learning how to manage your emotional responses so that when you're not as happy, you're empowered to make good decisions."
"Uh-huh."
She makes a face. A couple seconds of silence tick by. I can tell that she is trying to get me to say more, but I stay pointedly and resolutely silent. I've been in therapy long enough to recognize the ol' draw-them-out-with-silence tactic, and I'm not falling for it.
After half a minute, Julia gives in and changes the topic. "How are things with your parents?"
"Oh. I mean, they've been fighting with each other so much that half the time I don't think they realize that I do, in fact, still reside in the Gardner household. So I guess things are worse, but also kind of better-no one's yelled at me about my chemistry grade in, like, two months."
"What do they fight about?"
I have to fight back an eye roll. "What don't they fight about? Money. Groceries. Who's supposed to drive me to practice. My dad has started going to these poker nights with a bunch of his friends from work, so they also fight about that. And then they fight about whose fault it is that they fight so often."
"Have you had time to give some more thought to the idea of having a family session with you and your parents?" Julia asks. "Because I really think that-"
I groan before I can stop myself. "I really think that ... No."
