World Cup [larry stylinson a.u.]

26.0

“Okay,” my eyes fall to the ground. I’m being so pathetic right now.

“But I’m rooting for England,” he lifts my chin with his index to make me look at him, “Can we sit over there?” he points at a bench across the street, “Do we have time or we need to get to the restaurant?”

“Our reservation is in twenty minutes, we have time,” I follow him to the bench.

He takes a deep breath before starting to talk and I do too. I’m afraid to hear what he is about to say but I need to know the truth before I keep feeding my hopes like I am. The odds might be against me but I’m willing to put up a fight.

“Okay,” he sighs.

“Please start,” I mumble, “I’m dying here.”

“I’m,” he stutters, “This is hard for me because I’ve never actually talked about it before.”

“You are going to get back together with him, aren’t you?”

“No,” he cuts me off, “Hell no.”

“You told me you love him,” I fidget with my fingers.

“It’s weird,” he sighs again, “I think I love him and I know it’s not the right thing to do but I think I do still love him anyways. And I don’t want to love him anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because he is not good for me,” his voice cracks a little, “Niall is a hard thing to explain, Harry. We’ve been going in and out for a lot of years now and I never seem to be able to escape from it. It’s always the same with him, he shows up out of nowhere and I lose my shit again.”

“Where does that leave me?” I ask without looking at him. “Do I still freak you out?”

“You don’t freak me out.”

“That’s what you said or wrote,” I turn to look at him, “The note you left me, remember?”

“I met Niall five years ago,” I can tell he is struggling to speak but he continues, “He didn’t even know he was gay back then or, at least, he didn’t want to know it. We became good friends at first but I fell for him from day one. It used to be different before, he was sweet and he was scared of everything but he liked me back, even if he hated himself for doing so. I genuinely thought I could change him. I thought he just needed to accept himself in order to start treating me right but I guess I was wrong. He loved me, he still thinks he loves me and that’s the exact reason why he hates me too,” his eyes are watery and it’s starting to make me feel weak.

We both stay in silence for a while. “And I was so beyond in love with him, I couldn’t walk away, I still can’t walk away. We get back together, he swears things will be different this time but then everything happens again.”

“What happens?”

“The bad stuff,” he says, “He gets possessive. He goes back to being ashamed of me. He punishes me because he thinks I’m the one who made him gay and he can’t accept that. And every time I try to leave all that behind, he is right there. It’s like he has a device that tells him when I am about to move on and he doesn’t want me to. He doesn’t want to be with me but he doesn’t want me to be with anyone else either. And I know this is not healthy, I know this is not fair. I swear I know but I can’t help it. He puts a puppy face and I believe him, even if every cell of my body tells me that he is lying, I believe him.”

“I think I know the reason why you freaked out now.”

“We haven’t seen each other in a long long time,” he continues, “The last time we were together, things were way worse than ever before. And I swore to myself that I wouldn’t ever fall for his lies again.”

“Did he ever hit you?” I ask, anger rushing through my veins at the thought of him hurting Louis.

“He did,” he confesses, “But I hit him back, don’t worry,” he fakes a smile, “That’s when I knew it had to finish and I moved back to Doncaster and we never saw each other again. He never called; he never texted me and I seriously thought it was over.”

“Until you saw him again,” I add.

“I started saving money for this trip like two years ago. Niall and me planned this together and I knew there was a chance that I’d run into him here but I didn’t care,” he smiles, “I got into that plane and I ran into the grumpiest person ever.”

“That would be me,” I raise my hand.

“Exactly,” he wipes the tears from his face, “And I’ve never liked anyone again after Niall but you came to change that. Even if you were an asshole, I liked you. And without noticing it, I took you as another one of my projects. Because I keep trying to convince myself that I can change people.”

“Seems to me like you can,” I say shyly, “I mean, look at me.”

“Suddenly you became this big and sweet teddy bear,” he laughs, “You told me you liked me. You mentioned all of the flaws that make me feel so insecure about myself and you said you liked them. And then I told you I’d help you accept yourself,” he stays quiet for a while, “And I had a dream that night. I was with you, we were together and I know it was you but it wasn’t you, it was Niall. I was with Harry but this person didn’t look like Harry, it was Niall and that freaked me out. Because I didn’t want it to happen all over again.”

“But I’m not him,” I say. I keep thinking I can’t be any more pathetic but I prove myself wrong every time.

“I went back to Rio and I ran into him and everything happened again,” he sighs, “He said that when he heard you telling him that you were my boyfriend he felt something he never felt before. Because I’ve never actually been with someone after him and he knew that but he actually believed that you and I were together. And he started making promises again and I told him I wasn’t going to fall for it but we both knew I was lying because of course I was going to fall for him again, as every time. But then you showed up and you said all the right things and you kissed me right in front of him and I never felt what I felt that night.”

“Me neither.”

“It seemed as if someone actually liked me for who I am. And you sounded so determined and not ashamed of saying it out loud and I realized that you are not Niall,” his voice breaks a little again, “You are Harry and you are nothing like him.”

“I am Harry,” I joke.

“And I’m Louis,” he genuinely smiles and bumps my arm.

“And together we are Larry.”

I wrap his arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. He hugs me and buries his head on my neck.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he mumbles.

“By hurting me, you fixed me,” I confess, “I can’t explain it but that’s how I feel,” I push him back so I can look at his eyes, “I’m not saying this is going to be easy but I will try to make you forget about him, okay? Just give me a chance and be patient because I still need to adjust to this whole idea but I want this to happen. I’m ready.”

“I really like you, bubu,” he pecks my lips.

“And I like you too, tourist.”

“Let’s do this then?”

“Let’s do it, let’s date,” I grab his hand to walk him to the restaurant.

Is it just me or Ireland is going down?

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