Delusions In Loneliness and Love

Chapter 1 Introduction Rambling Words of a Broken Soul

Every day that I am blessed to wake up I find more and more reasons to ask my Lord and Savior to forgive me for the ignorance of not understanding the darkness that held me in the past. Every day I see new reasons for my travels, my mistakes, my pain and my misunderstandings. I am learning that there are positives in every negative. I am seeing the good in myself that I lost in my anger stages. I look at the people that I once believed lived the lives I wanted and needed to live, and I can honestly say that I lived better. In pain and misunderstandings, in loneliness and desperation for acceptance, in delusions of fake love and self-created hatred from desperately wanted to be accepted and love. I have had the better life.

Why do I say that? Because all my pain, struggles, tears, lies and loneliness has created in me the person that GOD wants us all to be. It took me a lifetime to see that. But I am blessed. As I write this in tears because I cannot hold them back as I fully realize how blessed I am, I am as I said blessed.

I don't judge people. It doesn't matter what their walk of life is. I can talk to anybody and see them as no more than myself. I don't hate people. I can be upset with you and not spend time with you anymore because I desire to now protect my space. But I will never hate. I have a different tolerance for mistakes. I see flaws and faults differently than others. Am I gullible? I don't think so. I may not know if I was truly created from love, but I believe my earlier years were grounded in it from my mother. After her passing I encountered a world that completely changed my views on love, life and acceptance.