The holes in my sweater - krii7y

chapter 5

How can I help if I even can't help myself?

Jaren.

The youtuber had to admit he never had felt this giddy in a long time. John was a great company to have, he was a walking meme and he literally had no boundaries with Jaren. They did the craziest shit and it just completely distracted him from all his problems. It was nice to just talk to the older because he was a great listener but also a good talker so their conversations jumped from one topic to the other.

Yet Jaren knew that there was something wrong. He has known john for a long time and could see straight through his little act. It worried him a lot yet he didn't want to push the other to say what's wrong, john knows he could tell him everything and honestly Jaren could do the same to him. It made him questions why he hasn't done it yet. Maybe he should, tonight because if he doesn't do it today he won't do it ever.

They went to pick up some food because john insisted to eat at his house, not like how busy the fast food restaurant was. This was usual for Jaren because the restaurants were a hell to be in when they this crowded.
Besides the milk bag enjoyed nothing more than some quality time with his best friend.

So after that they picked up the food they drove back towards Jaren's home. John was unusually quiet during the journey but Smit only shoved it on being tired from the flight since it was long.
When they arrived they took their food with them inside and fell onto the couch sighing, enjoying the comfortable silence for a moment. Each other's company was very relaxing for them both and honestly Jaren wouldn't mind stay like this forever. Just being with someone who actually cares and makes the brunette smile was enough for him to feel better on that moment.

Jaren looks over at john who had his eyes closed and looked in thought. A quick scan over the olders face made Smit realize that he looked exhausted and sad. Huge bags underneath his eyes almost looking like Gucci and his face expression was a sad one.

Jaren frowned and sat up so he could face john, gently putting his hand on johns. It made john open his eyes and look at their hands before looking up at Jaren.

"John, what's wrong?"

A sigh from the other and a sad smile was what Jaren got in return.

"I can't hide myself from you can I?" John said chuckling before sitting up a bit and took jarens hand in his.

They've held hands before, mostly it wasn't a problem but it felt different now and it made Smii7y blush a bit. He didn't know why or how but he just shrugged it off.

"I-, well. I've just not been well lately. I'm not happy with what I'm making on YouTube, I feel alone in my house whenever I'm not online with friends. I don't like the way I look and how my sleep and eat schedule doesn't exist. Im just-"
"So tired Jaren"

It stayed silent.

FUCK FUXK DUCK RUCK SUCK ME I'M AN IDIOT
I'm so sorry for not writing at all. I've been so goddamn busy and some drama with people around me made my mood for writing nonextant
So I'm sorry
I'm really going to try and write more
Loves
~lia