Jaileen Moneybags - A Tale of Two Titties

Chapter 1

    It's tea time, somewhere in Northern England. A wattle and hay hut, though small in stature, dominates the area as the only sign of domestication. While an icy ivory fog wraps itself around the setting, intensifying the scenery, it guzzles the warmth away, creating an entirely different area. The once welcoming, pleasant, fairy tale meadow that the hut perched itself on was now a foreign sweep of dirt and trees. From inside the hut, an ochre light oozes forth, pooling inside the shadows of the window frame. 

    From the inside, a fire and warm meal greet any in-lookers, and dominating green figures seizing control of the view are visible. Shrek and his bride, Fiona. Shrek, eating his imitation gruel, shatters the silence with casual conversation. "Did I do it alright this time?" Shrek asks, with playful intent. Fiona shoots him a glance of doubtfulness, and they share a laugh. "Have you put donkey in his room yet?". Fiona's question is more of an order, as Shrek senses. After a lager and rubbing alcohol, donkey had been cold on the floor for hours, in a drunken slumber.

   In the years prior, a mysterious entity known only as "Michael Trixeen" had stalked his thoughts and mind, causing a separation between him and his wife, Dragon. A crippling addiction to methamphetamines and RuPaul's Drag Race has since plagued him. As Shrek's beast limbs choked donkey's soft, crusty body, a hard bulge noticeably formed, as Shrek felt a pushing sensation on his shoulder. "Donkey!" he groaned in disgusted disappointment, as Donkey came to. His tired mood drowned out Shrek's groans. "Cmon just-" his sentence was interrupted by a coughing fit. "Just touch it once- just, just touch it". Shrek wouldn't take it, and dropped Donkey on the ground, a pale, beer battered shell of his old best friend. 

    Fiona dropped her spoon into her bowl, and stopped the situation. "Shrek, wait I-" she paused. "Maybe we should have a go at it". It was then that Spongebob fucking Squarepants CRASHED into his fucking living room and beat the shit out of his snail, Gary. He shattered his shell and dug the shards into his soft underbelly flesh. Gary bit back, making sure to grab small tastes of Spongebob's wet flesh as he did so. Fiona clinged onto Shrek, confused by the flurry of events, and Donkey started to recite the pledge of allegiance entirely in screeches. Just as fast as they appeared, Spongebob and Gary slimed their way out of the house to a Seinfeld outro riff and applause track. Fiona saw Shrek's face, as he paused to think about the unfolding events. She then took the opportunity, while he was distracted, to fucking ruin Donkey's cock, just abso-fucking-lutely DESTROY IT WITH HER PUSSY. This is where I got tired and gave up