recollection | ✓

iii.

"lili!" she protested, but then her top was off, and she felt lisa hover above her chest.

"i love you too, nini." lisa looked into her eyes, and in return she did as well.

she was going to respond with something, but instead moaned her lover's name in a hush, "lili..."

•

...lili. lisa. her lalisa. she thought.

calm down.

but she wasn't there anymore, jennie left her.

my lalisa.

she left her, she must hate her.

calm down.

it wasn't because of something she was doing before, she had her life together because someone was there for her, someone who took care of her, someone she also took care of, someone who made her head above the clouds with her feet grounded in the earth.

her lili.

she was filled with utmost certainty that there was no way, no way she could do this, breathe, function, because she was an idiot and she left the woman who had always been there for her. the woman who loved her without asking or expecting anything in return.

she thought it was for the best, she thought that if they broke it off before she even leaves, lisa won't resent her for the distance, and whatever resentful reasons there could be that would come.

now she was all alone.

calm down...

all alone.

please, just—

she reached out for her phone and pressed number one, speed dialing lisa. it took three rings before lisa answered. and she felt so sick to her stomach knowing that this girl wouldn't even decline her call.

lisa deserved better.

but god, jennie begged, prayed that she'd be the best again.

"jennie..." lisa's voice was low, she just woke up, jennie could tell.

anyhow there was nothing, jennie didn't respond, she took a paper bag from one of the drawers and she started breathing in it.

"fuck, are you okay?" lisa was worried, almost panicked, but she immediately regained her composure, "i'm here—just calm down," she always knew what jennie needed, she didn't have to tell her, she just knew.

"just talk to me, anything, just talk—" pause, "—your day."

"i went to the skate park, hanbin and bambam invited me, jisoo came along too, told me she hadn't skated for a while. so we went there."

"what did you wear?"

"oooh, you like to imagine me like that now, huh?"

"idiot,"

"i wore sweats, but not the baggy one since i'm skating, i wore a fitted one, but not too fit and i wore a crop top."