iii.

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conversations.
trigger warning: panic attack

jennie kim can be quite confusing. first, she'd break up with lisa on the last summer before she left for college and didn't talk to lisa for around seven months; second, she came back for winter break, called lisa and hang out with her for the remaining days of the break; third, she'd constantly text and call lisa for weeks and there would be weeks where she'd ghost her.

this sporadic behavior wasn't intentional, of course. jennie had been so focused in college, her courses were fine, she could handle it, managing her schedule was something she couldn't have a tight grasp on. it was all over the place, and to say the least, jennie wasn't graceful under pressure.

in fact she was starting to question how she even managed high school. she had a lot of extra-curricular, she was student body president, and also she was in the honor roll. top of it all.

it was truly a wonder.

she was trying to figure it out, the things she did before as she poured tea into her cup. tea had always been lisa's favorite, whenever jennie was getting stressed she would make one for her.

she took a sip from it. lisa's always tasted better. there just always had been a dash of something put into it, her delicacy as she brewed the tea, the precision of pouring it into the cup, the way she mixed milk into it, and when she serves it, she serves it with such love. and as jennie drank it, lisa would wrap her arms around her and kissed her shoulder, gingerly, calmly...

the thoughts startled jen, she put down her tea cup and sat down on the chair of her kitchen. she breathed in and out, in and out.

calm down. calm down. calm down.

calm down...

"calm down..." lisa kissed the shell of her ear, held her hands that were balled into fists. "breathe in," and jennie breathed in with her, "breathe out." they exhaled together.

the tension in jennie's muscles loosened after breathing with her girlfriend, though her hands were still clammy and her forehead pooled with unwarranted sweat.

lisa took care of that, she took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the cold sweat off of jennie, and as she did, all jennie could look at was her luscious pouty lips.

"we're settling this, okay, we're going to schedule everything down, so you've got something to remind you of the things you have to do. we're making you a planner... well i'm making the planner," lisa laughed and then she finally looked into jennie's eyes.

jennie couldn't help but bite her lower lip as she watched her girlfriend swallow nervously, a small smile graced her lips, she felt so happy, who would even be this dedicated, this supportive, this protective?

"lisa—" she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck, it could only be lisa. "i fucking love you." and then they kissed, jennie kissed her with such fervor she felt as if she was burning. her hands wove their way into lisa's blonde locks, tugged at her scalp as she moved onto her lap, straddled her. her breath was short again, but this time it was because of love that overwhelmed her. "i love you."

she felt lisa's hand slipped under her loose t-shirt, finding their way to where her bra met, upon feeling nothing but her skin, lisa smirked up at her. "how didn't i notice?"

"you were too busy pacifying me."

"oh." a smirk, "now can i treat you like a pacifier?"

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