i wanna end me. [ paused ]

ten

Slowly, I opened my eyes. I still felt Desmond's warm breath on my neck. Was he still sleeping?

My gaze wandered to my waist. Both of his hands were firmly placed at my waist. His head was still leaning against the back of my head, I could feel that. Carefully, I turned to see his freckled face. It looked so peaceful. So innocent.

Gently I ran my fingers over his thin eyebrows, then moved my fingers to his cheekbones and finally to his rosy lips. Nervously I bit my lower lip and pulled my fingers back. Desmond sighed deeply and suddenly started to stretch. Before he opened his chocolate colored eyes, he pinched them together.

"Staring problems?" He groaned as he stretched. With a shaky head, I chuckled and looked at him. His eyes turned to me. A soft smile crossed his rosy lips. "How long have you been awake?" "Not long", I shrugged slightly.

"You look so innocent when you sleep, you know?", Smirking, I looked back at his hands, which he tied around my waist. "Oh, how can I be innocent", Desmond leaned his face closer to mine, causing me to look up again, "If I stole your heart."

"Ugh Desmond", laughing, I put my hand on my forehead and looked away, rolling my eyes playfully. With his pale thin finger he lifted my chin and breathed the words: "I just say how it is." Into my face. "You're an idiot", i chuckled softly and stood up.

A few seconds after feeling eternal, Desmond rose and stretched. Slowly I sat up and watched him.

His curly hair was a bit confused and hung around his face. I smirked slightly as he rubbed his eyes and he looked at me. "What?" He murmured uncertainly. I shrugged and looked up at the ceiling.

It was pleasantly warm in the hut. Sighing, I lay down again and yawned. Since the curtains were closed I could not guess what time it was, but I didn't care.

When I looked back to Desmond, he nervously bit his lower lip and looked down. I said nothing. "Hey, do you like to go swimming?", His eyes met mine, which made me turn away from mine. "Yeah pretty much", I mumbled, looking at my hands. "Come on, here's a little lake," he opened the door slowly and looked at me.

"Y-yes, I'm coming."
-

POV DREW ( we all love drew, don't we? )

How many days had passed? Weeks? Months? Ages? It all felt so long. Was Riley alive? And why would she just leave? She was never like that. Never.

Worried, I leaned my chin on my palm and sighed. I sat in the middle of class. And yes, I missed her ... very much.

Riley was my best friend. At least that's what I thought. What if I was the one who saw more friendship in us than she did? That'd be so embarrassing and... disappointing, I think.

When the bell finally came, I stormed out of the classroom after grabbing my bag. I immediately made my way to the pin board, which was in the "center" of the school. I had only one missing piece of paper left, since I've already hung the rest everywhere in the city.

"Come on, please", I muttered softly to myself and pinned the note. I used a photo from this year. There she was with me on my balcony, in my little apartment that I shared with my sister and mother. She was so happy. I keep hearing her laugh in my head.

Always.

With my finger, I lightly stroked the picture and took a deep breath. "Please come back", I whispered and turned to go to the next lesson.

-

The sunlight was reflected on the soft, screeching water. The reflection dazzled me a bit, which is why I turned to Desmond who looked straight into the water. Of course we did not have any bathing suits.

"And what ... now?", I frowned. "Here," he mumbled and pulled off his shirt. I stifled my breath and just watched him hand me the shirt. "What should I do with it?" I asked in surprise. "Put it on over underwear", he looked at me and grinned, "you don't want me to see a lot, and if you're wearing a white shirt, I'll certainly see your underwear."

Playfully, I punched his arm and put my head a bit crooked: "Then go into the water, I'll catch up."

A particularly good thing was that "I'm running away with a criminal named Desmond" was that although our situation was really critical, we still made the best of it.

The dark-haired man nodded and walked towards the murky water as I pulled my shirt over my head. When I finished changing, I also walked up to the water. Desmond waited patiently for me.

"Is not it a bit too cold?" I mumbled and took off my pants. I could feel Desmond's eyes on me: "Alright." With a slight smile on my face, I looked up at Desmond. "But who cares?", He suppressed a laugh and then went into the water.

Slightly dreamy, I looked after him and tilted my head a bit. "Are you coming?", Desmond turned to me and splashed some water in my direction with his hand. I hesitantly nodded and headed for the icy water.

It felt like small stinging needles, but when Desmond reached for my arm with his warm hand, I forgot the cold. Sighing, I walked a little deeper into the water until Desmond and I were both knee deep inside. We both looked at each other. His face looked calm and relaxed, like his body.

"And how is it?", He smiled slightly and released my arm. "Good..not as bad as I thought, at least," my eyes glided over the sparkling water. Hesitantly, I took a step down and felt goose bumps over my silky skin.

Desmond's gaze was directed straight ahead. "You know ..", he sighed, "Even though I always refused to obey the rules and as a result always did what I wanted, I ... never felt as free as when I was with you are. " The last part of his sentence made my heart beat against my chest.

He frowned as I looked at him. "I wish I had known you earlier, Riley, much earlier, I would probably be a better person, a very good one, as pure and honest as you are," he sighed softly, looking at his feet, pointing at the one or more less sharp stones stood.

"Who keeps you from changing yourself?", I rubbed my right arm with my left hand. "My brain is..ugh ..", he sighed and looked up to the sky, "My brain just works that way." Nervously, I bit down on my lower lip: "... I'm sorry." "No, it's not your fault!", He looked at me and came up to me.

The pearls of water on his chest shone a little as the sun, now where he stood, shone on him.

"I should apologize," he pressed his lips together. "But .." Silence. "But ..?" I mumbled after a few seconds of silence.

"Walking the alley was the best you've ever done, I guess," a more or less suffering smile lay on his lips as he tilted his head and just looked at me.

I returned his smile. "Yes, I agree." "Really?", I felt his delicate fingers on my cheek, which then along my jaw along. "Really," I whispered.

"Okay", he gently pulled me closer by my chin until I felt his breath on my face. He smelt like sweet sins and of the ... certain spice that I needed in my life. I took a deep breath before closing my eyes ...

.. and slowly felt his lips on mine.

-

this chapter is dedicated to lara.