isnt really fluff, but its pretty cool.
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Written by: peterandhispirate
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Josh really wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.
It was three in the goddamn morning and he was wide awake with a killer headache and eyes so bloodshot that he looked high. Do you want to know why?
Because his neighbor's dog wouldn't shut the fuck up.
What was the stupid thing even barking at? Are there mailmen at three a.m. now? Did he just hate Josh? Or was he just obsessed with the sound of his own incessant voice?
(Reliable sources say that number three is correct.)
And trust me, Josh had tried everything. Headphones, earplugs, putting his pillow over his head- hell, he had even gone to the house next door and complained to the mutt's owner about it. Do you know what he got?
"If you don't like it, just move."
Ah, yes. He was going to pack up all his things and leave on account of some stupid dog that performed an unbearable concert for the entire neighborhood every night. Because that's sensible, apparently.
(It wasn't. It really wasn't.)
So, at that point, he was out of options. Blocking it out had been to no avail, and his attempt at communicating with his dumbass neighbor crashed and burned. Apart from the fact that he had been offered a leftover piece of cake, which he begrudgingly accepted.
It had been some good fucking cake, but it still didn't make them even, nor did it make up for the hours of sleep he had lost.
So, what do you do when you're backed into a corner like this?
You go to your local library and pick up a book on demon summoning, of course.
Now, Josh had never done this before in his life, and he was 99.9% sure that it wouldn't even work. Besides, wasn't this a little extreme? The dog probably didn't even realize what he was doing wrong. I mean, it's a dog.
Yeah, this whole thing was probably a mistake. Which is why he put the book on his nightstand with no real intentions of actually using it.
Up until he was once again laying awake in bed at three in the morning with a soundtrack of barking and howling on repeat.
Oh, fuck it. It's worth a try.
So he hopped out of bed (a little too eagerly), snatching up the book - How To Summon a Demon! (In Four Easy Steps) - on his way out and heading downstairs.
Deciding his living room was suitable enough, he pushed back all the furniture to make more room before finally opening the guide.
Well, there were steps all right, but way more than four. And they definitely didn't look easy.
Dammit, he was looking for a quick and simple solution to his problem, not a fucking thirty-page instruction manual made up of ingredients you could probably only find on the black market.
He ended up substituting about half of the required components for stuff in his kitchen. Close enough. If he happened to get the discount version of a demon, he'd work with it.
It also said to have some sort of offering prepared. He had leftover pizza. Also close enough.
By the time he had gotten everything ready to the best of his abilities, it was four a.m. and he could still hear the fucking barking.
He was so ready to do this.
According to the book, he had to chant some spell and boom, a demon would appear right there in his living room, no questions asked.
