I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. (Varian x Reader)

~ Douze ~

(I'm sorry this took so long. Not sure if I have used that picture before, but I'm too lazy to check. Last lyric chapter... I think...) 

Your P.O.V.

I sat in my bedroom thinking about Varian. 

He is all that has been in my mind lately. 

During dinner, council meetings, playing with our daughter. 

I can't get him out of my head. 

I think it's because I want to see him again. 

I want to show him our daughter. 

I want to apologize for all I've done. 

But how would he feel?

Is he ready for that conversation?

Am I ready for that conversation?

I think I am. 

I picked up our daughter and started walking to the dungeon. 

Once I got there I stopped at the door. 

"Mommy? Are you okay?" (Daughter's name) asked. 

"Oh yes, sweetie. I'm fine. We're just going to see daddy." I smile. 

(Daughter's name) looked confused. 

"I thought you said daddy left us."

CRAP! Right. That is what I told her. 

I know, I know what you're thinking. 

'(Y/N)! Why would you lie to your own daughter about where her father is?! That's like super cruel! She has all the ri-' 

Yes, yes, yes I get it. It probably wasn't my best decision. 

But what else was I supposed to do!?

Tell her the truth and have her wondering why I did what I did and think I'm a horrible person and she won't love me!? 

I love my daughter too much to have her think her mother's a criminal. 

Sure it is heartbreaking to see her sad face every night, looking out the window, whispering to herself stuff like 'Why'd you leave us, daddy? Was it my fault? Please come home.'

But a mother does what a mother has to do. 

And sometimes it's harder than you would like it. 

"I said he wasn't in that room with us," I said trying to bend her nieve, child mind. 

"Oh okay. I can't wait to meet him," she says, excitedly. 

'I can't wait to meet him either.' I think. 

I wonder how he's changed. Will he forgive me? 

I hope so. 

I open the door and the awful smell of the dungeon fills my nose. (Daughter's name) gags.

"It smells awful in here, mommy!" She says, disgusted. 

"Yes, it really does." I laugh. 

"M-Mommy?" I voice asks. (Daughter's name) jumps a bit. 

I recognize that voice. 

"V-Varian? Honey, is that you?" I call out.

I walk farther, my daughter holding my hand. 

I hear a cough and I look over. 

I gasp and fall to my knees. 

"Varian, honey, I'm so sorry." I cry. He just looks at me. Almost surprised.