The Slut's Story (#wattys2019)

Chapter 4

"But I'm crying." I croaked.

"You've just been strong for too long." I looked at my nude band-aid on my elbow. It looked fine, but I still didn't like that there was a scratch right there.

"Then how do I know that I should stay strong and not let anyone get to me?" She smiled down at me lovingly.

"Make sure to show that person that you are stronger than they will ever be. Show that you can do a lot more than expected."

I let out a shaky breath while clutching the pendant of my necklace. Mom gave it to me two years ago. It was a heart with a golden rose along the edge of the heart. After I tried to convince my mom that I will never be too old for Disney, she bought me this necklace. It reminded me of Belle, my favorite princess.

"Remember that I'm always there with you." Mom used to say. "Use your strength and never show your weakness."

I have never thought that I would ever have this kind of life. I chuckled dryly as I found out how my life became so... depressing.

"My family was always there with me." I looked up from my intertwined hands to the large cross in front of me. "But, as you know, they're not there for me anymore. It's just you and me." I sighed. "Sometimes, I feel like you're not doing anything for my well-being. Sometimes, I just think you could care less about me because I am one of the many people out there with problems.

"You are God. Jesus Christ! Honestly, I think you could do a lot better than walk on water. Make something happen in my life to get rid of this monster. What have I done to deserve this?" I sniffed my stuffy nose. "Whatever it is, it has to end very soon. If not, I don't know what I would do to myself." I dug my nails into my palms, trying to control myself from bursting into tears.

I locked my hands together, whispering my regular prayer I had for the past two years. I closed my eyes as I made a cross at my chest.

"Amen." I whispered at the end. I walked out of the church, just going my way around the neighborhood. I never liked to drive a car to places I could walk to, like school. I just do it to show off something, which again, I am forced to do.

The one thing I am grateful to Chris is that I could go to church to say my prayers and concerns and that I could have Saturday and Sunday to be by myself, with no one to bother me.

I liked it. Coming back to my old life was wonderful.

Wearing dark wash jeans with a black shirt and a dark grey cap over my head. No makeup and no fake tans or cleavage. I loved it. It was nice.

If only Mom, Dad, and Kat were here with me...

I shook my head to get rid of the bad thoughts. Their death, my mourns for them, and how my life turned out. I just needed to get rid of those thoughts.

I felt the hot sun over me burn my skin. It felt good for once that I can go out with these clothes into the sun on the weekends.

I took out my phone from my back pocket and plugged in my earplugs, trying to find a good song in the headphone jack of my phone. I just needed to look for a good song. And I found one and sang along.

"Baby, say the word, darlin'

You know just how to hold the sucker down

So I'll see you in the morning

I can't watch you walk out

I never needed you like I do right now

I never needed you like I do right now