Rom-Com Heaven

Final Chapter

I peer around my desk. She isn't there. Not at the office today - and neither are the police. Why would Shirl ever call the police on a nerd, anyway? Nerds are harmless. Jeffrey's a smart guy, but sometimes he doesn't make sense.

It's Monday, now, a stupid workday. Why am I even here? Surely I have more important matters to take care of... No. I can be patient - I must be.

And, before I know it, I'm out.

At the bar, nighttime. Sipping ale. Cold to the lips, warm to the throat and lungs. My last drink. My other hand lies in my coat pocket, clutching.

"Hullo, creep."

This jolts me so much the froth of my drink almost slips over the edge of the glass onto my overcoat. I look around, and see Ben, now sitting beside me. I blink my eyes a few times - he's definitely real. Besides, I never would've imagined him like... this.

His eyes are wild and shot with spider-like arteries, and purple bags bubble beneath them. Wrinkles have etched their way around his cheeks, and his hairline has receded, to the point where his forehead looks uncomfortably swollen. All this in a week? How?

"You look surprised at my-" He hiccups, almost toppling from his stool. "-surprised at my composure." He grins stupidly. "Wife kicked me out. I knew the bitch would. Waved me out like I was some dang dog who'd pissed on the couch one too many times. Did it as soon as she'd heard I'd resigned from another job."

He hiccups again, and gulps down the last half of his beer. He slams the empty glass on the table, and calls for another. He turns back to me.

"How are you and Shirl? You still stalking her? I heard she has a..." His grin widens, to a grotesquely malicious degree; his minty teeth have turned the colour of piss diluted in wine. "...boyfriend."

I squirm in my seat.

His eyes flip up and down my person. "Makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it? You should've taken her when you had the chance. I fucked her, once, you know. All I had to do was shower the damn bitch in compliments and she was on me like a cow on grass - easy, once I figured it out. Even you coulda done it."

I clench my jaw. "She's not an... animal."

"No, she isn't. She's human. That's what I took advantage of. You see her as an object, like so many others. Like a reward. I've seen your type often. And it's this objectification that makes types like you blind." His new beer arrives at the table, and he gulps down the first half. He belches, and wipes the froth off his mouth. "Anyway, you haven't answered my question."

"I don't have to." I swallow the last of my ale.

"Ooh, look who's becoming assertive!" Ben giggles. "Perhaps I misjudged. Perhaps you are the boyfriend the prophecy spoke of."

I frown. "You know about that?"

He frowns back. "About what?"

I shake my head. "Never mind."

"No, no, finish your thought. A prophecy? A prophecy of you and her?" He chuckles. "You are an idiot. Assertive to me, passive to your imagined wheel of fate. Just like those fucks in books and films." He licks his lips, his eyes growing misty with memory. "She was a great fucker, you know. Strawberry scent I could gobble up, and a pussy so-"

I lurch to a stand. "Shut up, Ben. Shut the fuck up."

He looks at me, and gulps down the rest of his beer while continuing to look at me.