This Way Comes (Lesbian)

CHOICES

Laura tried to straighten herself up, but as she sat up all the alcohol came rushing and her brain started feeling foggy once again. She couldn't completely understand what was happening. Hell, she couldn't even say for sure it was really happening and it wasn't just a drunk-dream.

"I'm hallucinating, aren't I?"

Colbie shook her head. "No. But you probably should go to bed anyway, so how about you get under the covers. We can talk later."

Laura wasn't strong, nor conscious enough to go against that. She simply rolled over, pulled the covers up and closed her eyes. She woke up a few hours later, at almost 2 AM. Her head hurt, she was still a bit dizzy and her mouth tasted bitter, but she was sober now. Or well, sober enough.

She swept her feet off the bed and had a look around. The room was empty except for the amount of trash, cigarette packs, empty vodka bottles and scattered clothes. It took her a minute to remember she'd seen Colbie, and another minute to convince herself it hadn't really happened.

She put some clothes and and walked downstairs towards the kitchen. The house was in a particular kind of mess that had become too familiar for her. She no longer tried to dodge the bottles of alcohol on the floor, she just dragged her feet forward and kicked them as she went. As the kitchen door came into view, she noticed that the light was turned on, and she could hear voices.

She stopped a few metres away from the door to hear the conversation.

"I don't really. After the movie, everything just fell apart," Lock said "It was like she became tired of trying. Tired of putting the minimum effort to do anything other than give up."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"I thought about calling you. I know it's none of your business but I didn't know who else to call. It's not like she'd got friends and Karen... well, that would only make things worse. But she found out and broke my phone."

"You haven't bough a new one?"

"I've got better things to do than spend my money on a phone right now. I also figured she'd just break it again. She's out of control, I really don't know what to do anymore. What else can I possibly do. She's my sister and I love her but there've been so many times where I've wanted to... just fucking give up."

Laura closed her eyes and swallowed. There were two things she needed to accept at that moment. Number one, Colbie was really there. Number two, her actions had pushed everyone she ever cared away from her. Even her brother.

She took a big long breathe and walked into the kitchen. Lock and Colbie looked up at her as she walked towards the fridge, opened it and saw nothing. Or at least, nothing to eat. Laura sighed, walked up to the cupboard, grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water. She sat down at the breakfast table next to Colbie and Lock, drank a few sips before saying, "You don't have to stop talking about me just 'cause I'm here."

"We're worried, that's all," Lock replied.

"I'm sure..." Laura answered bitterly.

Colbie sighed, and asked, "Lock could you please give us a minute?"

Lock stared at his sister for a moment, then nodded and walked out of the kitchen. Laura had another sip of water and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you had an accident. Actually, I've heard a lot about a lot of things you've done lately."

"That's not what I'm asking," Laura sounded nastier than she meant to, she just wanted to hear those words.

"I was worried about you. You don't really seem to be doing that well."

Laura wasn't sure what she thought Colbie would say, maybe she'd be more... caring, less distant, but what could she expect. They hadn't seen or heard from each other in five months.

"How have you been?" Laura asked, secretly hoping she wasn't the only one having a bad time.

"I've been pretty good, actually. I'm writing a book, I bought an apartment. Can't complain."

"I wasn't gonna say anything but, you look amazing. You look even more beautiful now."

Colbie smiled lightly and said, "Thanks."

"Colbie, listen, I'm very sorry. About everything. About Coralen, about not knowing how much I should've valued you, about blaming you... I messed up big time and I-"

"Thanks, but it doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes, it does. Look, I know I messed up but..."

"No, it doesn't. Not anymore. I moved on. You chose someone else, which meant I only had one thing left to do... choose myself. I had wanted to be with you for so long. Even when you chose Coralen, I still loved you, even when you disappointing me, and mistreated me, when you didn't want me, I wanted you. But I got tired of wanting someone who didn't want me."

"Colbie..."

"Yeah. I got a boyfriend. He's a great guy, and makes me happy. My life is in order, I'm happier now than I've ever been. I had to fight against the love I had for you hoping it would go away... and it did. Don't get me wrong, I still think the world of you and I want nothing but the best for you, but I'll never want you again."

Laura knew perfectly why Colbie was being so clear about giving her answers to questions she hadn't asked. She wanted to make it clear that this was not Colbie loving her... this was Colbie being a decent enough person not to let someone drown.

Laura didn't know what else to say. Her heart was broken. It was only fair, she thought. She'd broken Colbie's heart too many times in too many ways. And now that she really wanted Colbie, Colbie was tired of not being wanted.

"Ok..." was everything she managed to let out.

"You need help..."

"Ok," she repeated.

"Ok?"

"Yeah, ok. Whatever."

Colbie felt bothered about how unconvinced Laura sounded. As if she had only said yes to not have a bigger, more complicated argument. What Colbie didn't know was that Laura had simply given up. Given up on running, at this point it was easier to either get the help she was conscious she needed, or die... and she didn't feel like dying. This, what she'd being doing instead of moving on was no longer sustainable for her. It no longer distracted her now that Colbie had demanded attention in reality by showing up. A cruel reality in which the writer no longer wanted to be part of her life.