Discovering Alice

Chapter 15

The car ride home is silently awkward, with Alice kicking her feet against my seat. I don’t have the heart to tell her to stop, so that’s the only noise that’s filling the silence besides the heater. What is there to say? Things were going to be okay between us and  I probably just ruined it all. I didn’t know if I should tell Cory that I was just trying to scare him and make him be quiet long enough for me to get out of the room. It sounded like a good idea. I was just so angry, and I thought back to the handout that was on the table; realizing that would make him shut up.

“I’m so-“ I start, need to break the silence. It shatters.

“Why can’t you just give it up? You’re ruining everybody’s lives! My life included. Did you ever stop to think about how I would feel? No, you didn’t.” Cory shouts, Alice stops kicking, and I am speechless. I can’t come up with anything to say, I know it isn’t just about me anymore.

“I know, but . . .” I decide to try to tell him I was bluffing, if he would listen.

“You don’t! We told my parents last night. Well, rather Brad told them. He was guilty, I guess. I didn’t even know that he told them until he came up to my room this morning and explained that they said they needed to get away.” Cory’s voice is starting to break, a sure sign he’s going to start crying. I hated that I was hurting him, and it came so natural.

“I don’t know why I said that. I don’t mean it, I want to find out what happened. I don’t even know what happened. I was just bluffing.” I explain. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, is he just going to pretend I didn’t say that?

“Well then you can understand that I can’t speak to you until it’s over, right?” Suddenly the tone in the room is distant and stuffy, and I put my finger on the window opener; suddenly it’s too hot in here. His voice, I notice, isn’t showing that he’s going to cry. He’s strong, and he’s being serious. It’s like he doesn’t hear the part where I told him I was bluffing. He just ignores it. And it’s so unlike him it scares me. He always listens to what I have to say. Or, at least he used to. I just go along with it, I can’t deal with hurting him anymore.

“I understand.” I try to put stiffness in my tone, just like the stiffness his mother’s voice had when I met her. After that, he pulls up to the house. I get out of the car and reacd into the backseat for Alice. I know I should probably speak some great last words, but I couldn’t think of any. I stood there a moment, I couldn’t think of anything. I put Alice down with her feet planted in the inch of snow. Sitting back in the seat, I lean over and kiss Cory’s cheek since he’s looking down at the steering wheel. I pull away, a little frustrated that he didn’t do anything. I thought maybe he would snap out of it and kiss me back, saying he can’t let me go. Or just say this could be our last kiss, and pull me into the car. But of course, this isn’t a cheesy romance novel. When I slam the door, I get a little satisfaction out of the fact that he jumps a little bit. After Alice and I make our way inside, I find myself incredibly bored. It was depressing how little there was to do around here. I was perfectly fine at being alone until Cory came into my life and showed me how fun it was to have somebody to do things with. For a few minutes, I was disappointed in myself because I let him get so under my skin. Who was I now? I decide to pop in Finding Nemo for Alice and try to nap.

~

When I wake up, I have a smile on my face. Looking out the window, I freak out because it’s Tuesday. I glance at the clock and see that it’s nine. Alice is singing and from what I hear, she’s in the kitchen. I walk into there, and see her sitting on the ground with peanut butter on her face. How did she even reach to it? I figure she probably crawled. I grab a paper towel and wipe her nose and her whole face, before taking her to her room and dress her.