He Likes Boys//It (2017)

t h i r t y o n e

Chapter Thirty One:

Her father sat in his armchair in the living room. Having gotten home early, he was waiting for Beverly's return. Expecting her to come home from school any moment now.

Beverly walked quietly through the empty halls, and went to meet the rest of the losers out by the creek. She felt like crying the moment she saw Hom. She knew that it wasn't his fault, but despite that, the truth still hurt. Loving him still hurt, knowing he would never love her the same way.

"Hi." Beverly says quietly as she joins the rest of the losers down by the creek, Stan and Hom stop linking hands, knowing that their gestures of affection would only bother her more, and although they loved each other, they also cared for Beverly's well being.

"H-Hello." Bill greeted. "We were j-just talking about how we could def-defeat It."

Beverly nodded, still crying just a little bit, and sat down beside Ben on a rock. She knew she had the power within herself to do it, even if he heart was breaking in two at the very sight of Stan. She was stronger than everyone thought she was.

Hom couldn't bare to see Beverly in shambled like this, knowing that it was all his fault, knowing that he had been the one to make Beverly feel like this. How could he talk to her, when she was still crying over him? How could they pretend that everything was normal, when her heart was still broken, and he couldn't fix it.

Everyone went silent when Beverly arrived, none of them knowing quite what to say, and none of them quite knowing how to offer her comfort. They all knew what was wrong, and why she was still crying, and although all of them wanted to help her, none of them knew how and only feared that they would make it worse with their lack of dating experience.

Ben leaned over to talk to Beverly, and whispered softly into her ear. "Do you think you'd like a moment alone with Hom?"

She nodded, still sniffling, as Ben announced that she wanted to have a moment alone with Hom. She lead Hom a bit away from the group, and further down into the forest near the creek. Hom felt afraid for them. They were a bit close to where Stan had been attacked by It, although he assumed Beverly still had her sling shot and bullets on her.

The silence only grew between them, before Beverly finally said the things she wanted to confirm.

"So...you like boys now?" Sh asked softly, not quite knowing how to phrase the words. It sounded like she was being nosy.

"....I guess that's one thing we both have in common." Hom joked. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but he was only trying to take the sting off things. He didn't want her to feel bad. He didn't want to feel bad. Soon they could put it all in the past.

"I guess it also means you don't like me?" She asked, but she already knew the answer. If he liked her, then he wouldn't have gone running off with Stan.

Hom shook his head. "I'm sorry." And he truly was. It was never his intention to break Beverly's heart in two. It was only his intention to find love. But her love was not the love he wanted. How could he love her when he couldn't stop thinking about Stan? How could he care for her when he couldn't stop wanting to care for Stan?

Hom may have broken Beverly's heart, but staying with her a moment longer would have broken his. He couldn't keep pretending to be something he wasn't. He couldn't keep pretending to be someone else.

"Why? Why couldn't you have just told me first?" She asked. She didn't want to  leave her heart in this broken state, and there were questions which had to be answered in order for her to repair it.

Hom ran a hand through his hair, feeling himself getting more emotional as the conversation carried on. "I just wanted to be happy." Hom tried to explain. "I didn't know when we first started dating. I didn't know what I was looking for."

That only made her more angry. "How could you not know? You dated me! You liked girls! How could you not know?" She yelled at him, suddenly lashing out.

Hom wanted desperately to fix the growing hole in  her heart, but he knew now that he would never be the one to fill it. He knew a hole like that couldn't be replaced with friendship. How could she settle with friendship now, knowing that she could have love instead?

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Hom stumbled for the right words to say.

"Well I'm still hurt regardless of your efforts!" She yelled some more. It felt good to let the words out. It felt good to let her lungs go free. It felt good to let out what she was feeling, even if she was only lashing it all out at Hom.

"Can't we just be friends?" Hom asked gently, trying to thread lightly, and not trigger another one of Beverly's outbursts.

"How can we?" She said it softer this time, crying. "How can we?" She repeated, sounding more like a broken record than a person.