deep thoughts

chapters

Trigger warning: mention of depression and suicide

There is always 1 chapter of your story that is known as your life, that you dont read out loud. Everyone has one, even if it wasn't that bad it was or is the worst you still dont read it out loud.

Why? Well why do you think.

You dont want people to see right through you. To your darkest thoughts. To your deepest fears. To the things that is a trigger.

Have you ever thought "well I dont want them to know that" or something like it?

I'm pretty sure everyone doesn't want everyone they meet to know what scares them to their core. Or what makes them want to break down.

Every part of your life is in books written pages of your memory. At least that's what I like to think. Some pages get torn out, and you lose a memory. You are reading your life out loud to the people around you when you go out, they see what you are doing. However... there is one chapter that you dont wanna read out loud.

You dont want people to see you the way you are during that chapter. You dont want people to see right through you like the pages are torn up. You wanna burn the pages in that chapter, you dont want to have to relive it or keep living through it. That's why people are depressed and or suicidal.

There is that one chapter that just tears you up inside. All you wanna do is tear those pages out of your life, not have to know it happened or is happening, not have to remember what it was or is like to feel what you are or were feeling. Why would anyone want that? You ask yourself

Well... there really is no answer to that. However I can give you 2 answers that go over 2 but sections. Yes and no.

What? Why would yes be an option on there?

Well if that thing never happened how would your life be in 10 years? How would your life change now?

Would you be more confident?

Would you be less depressed?

Would you still be feeling these emotions 10 years later if the thing didnt happen?

Would you be where you are today? More confident. More capable. Less insurance. Not as afraid.

Where would you be 10 years from what had happened? Would you be the same?

There is the other answer though. No.

Why would you want to feel the worst you ever felt in your entire life?

Of course not.

You were about to fall apart at that point in your life. Why would you want to have to deal with that eating you up inside?

I'm sure all of you have heard of the experiment of the half full or half empty cup.

Depending on what you think could change your answer in this situation

If you saw a road that led down to a life that was PERFECT... but you have to live through your sadness.

Next to that road is another road, a road full of sorrow but you can get over it. You know that because you have gotten over the chapter of your life that you dont wanna read out loud.

Which road would you pick?

That determines what your answer of yes and no is.

The first road is... no

The second road is... yes

The first one means you never read that chapter out loud to anyone.

The second chapter means you have read it out loud. You have gained confidence from it and have learned a very valuable lesson.