why? s.m.

two

my head is going in circles. my hands are sweating, loosening the grip i have on my phone. i can't stop thinking about this boy. i don't know why i'm so nervous? i've had plenty of boys invite me to parties and flirt with me. something about him was different, although he probably is just looking for a good lay. i realize i am thinking way too hard about this, so i dial the number and hear the ringing. "hello?', the sound of his voice makes every thought in my brain fly away. i can't think of anything to say as shawn is on the other end repeating the word again. 

"hi," i manage to murmur. should i hang up the phone? i can't even think of my name right now. how am i supposed to talk to him.

"sunshine?" i hear him chuckle, "i knew you'd call," i can hear his smirk through the phone. i don't say anything, i just smile and put my hands up to my blushing cheeks. "you don't have to talk, i'll text you the address. see you soon." he said before the line went dead. i guess i'm going to shawn mendes' party. 

i go up to my room, and open my closet full of clothes, only to find nothing to wear. nothing seems right. i eventually decide on a black dress that is mid-thigh and black converse to match. i put on some mascara and blush, and then i head out. 

***

i pull into the address that shawn sent me, and it's already flooded with cars and people. you can feel the bass of the music from outside, and my stomach starts turning. i throw my hair into a high ponytail, and head into the large house. 

there aren't very many lights on other than the flashing fluorescent ones. people push past me giving me looks, knowing i don't belong here. i go into the kitchen where there is light. there was a drunk girl, getting some more drink. she ended up bumping into me and spilling it on my dress, making it reek of alcohol. she apologized and quickly got more. there was a girl laughing in the corner. i laughed too until she introduced herself, "i'm camila," she smiled. 

"let me guess, you're maya." she said. this confused me, and i guess she could tell, "shawn explained you in detail, so i figured," she chuckled, making herself sound a little less creepy.

"where is he?" i questioned before feeling a large hand on the small of my back.

"sunshiiiine!" i look up to the slurring boy. he is grinning at me, and my stomach is flooded with butterflies, "i've been waiting for you all night. do you want to play beer pong?" he says pointing to a table with cups and tall boys standing around. 

"come on cam, you play too!" he exclaimed pulling my arm. i didn't get a word in, but i don't think i had any words anyway. i don't even know what beer pong is. it sounds scary, but i guess i'll found out. 

"okay ma- i mean sunshine, the goal is to get the ball into the cups over there," he gestures to the cups of beer on the other end of the table, "like this," he throws a ball and lands it into a cup. one of the tall boys on the other side takes the cup and downs it, throwing it away over their shoulder. 

"you sink it, they drink it!" camila shouts over the loud music to me. shawn winks at me, the heat rushes to my cheeks, and i turn away hoping he didn't notice. 

***

after the game, i was a little tipsy because the other team made it into our cups, so i had to drink. shawn and i were laid on the couch, his head on my shoulder, making me extremely nervous. his curly hair was tickling my face. he moved his head so i felt his breath on my neck, "can we go upstairs, honey?" he whispered, sending chills down my spine. that name was new, and i liked it more than i should.

i nodded pulling his heavy body off the couch. most of the people had left, so it was just us and a couple of his friends. i followed him into his room, he plopped down onto his stomach on his large bed. i chuckled at him, " what are you laughing at?" he said, but it was muffled because his face was still buried in the covers on the mattress.

"i'm laughing at you, mendes. you're drunk," i chuckled again, laying next to him on the bed. i was on my back, staring at the ceiling. he turned over and scoffed at me.

"i am not drunk, you are," he slurred, barely getting it out. he was facing the ceiling now too, with his eyes closed. i giggled at this boy sitting next to me, he was right. i am drunk. 

"you know what else you are, sunshine?" he mumbled, turning his head to look me in the eyes. i raised my eyebrows because i didn't feel like asking out loud, "beautiful", he said with the cheekiest grin. i could feel my cheeks starting to burn. i just ignored his comment, and sat up.

"i should probably get home, and you should probably get to sleep. you're starting to talk crazy," i said heading towards the door. i don't want to go home, but it's probably for the best. 

"waaaaiiittt, sunshine don't leave me lonely," his words made my heart flutter, "okay, you're right, maybe i'm a little bit drunk," he said in a higher pitched voice, holding up his fingers to show how drunk he was. this boy was too cute, i didn't know how to react. 

"you can stay here in my bed, it's late and you're too drunk to drive home. i'll even sleep on the couch or the floor if you want me to." he said, taking long pauses to make sure he said everything correctly. 

"mendes, i will sleep on the cou-" i was interrupted, "sunshine, i will sleep on the couch." he said grabbing a pillow and blanket. 

i didn't want him to sleep on the couch so my mouth spoke, "we can both sleep in the bed," i didn't realize what i said until after i blurted it out. 

"really, sunshine?" he asked, trying to hide his smile. i don't know what i've gotten myself into.

"sure. as long as you stay on your side. and do you have a shirt i can borrow? some girl spilled her drink all over me." he nodded throwing me a shirt, i went to the bathroom and changed, but by the time i got back he was already in the bed dosing off to sleep. i crawled in beside him, and he opened his eyes to look in mine.

"goodnight, beautiful." the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy at his name for me. i rolled my eyes and told him goodnight. shortly after, i drifted off to sleep.