FALLEN (NOW PUBLISHED ON AMAZON)

62.

As I get comfortable on my seat and look around, I feel the warmth of Ash's arm around my shoulder, but he looks at me in a concerned way. I immediately frown as a joke and mirror him.

"What is going on, Grace? You haven't really been yourself tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know... You never really lead me on, but tonight it's all you do." He says slowly, weighing every word as to not offend me. "I'm not saying I don't like that, I've just made myself to the idea that you didn't like me that way, and now you are making it hard to resist you."

I feel bad to not be thinking a hundred percent clearly when he is opening up to me that way. I feel like I have just received a big smack on the face at the same time. Am I leading him on? Yes, maybe I did let him embrace me and holding my hand... I like Ashley, I really do, and the circumstances might have been different if Marcel and I never got involved. I use the fact that he isn't from here and that he tours Europe next week to keep a boundary between us. Maybe I wanted to let loose tonight and maybe blame whatever might have happened with him romantically on the booze. I'm not going to lie to myself. And I shouldn't lie to him either.

"You have no idea how much I respect you for saying that. I really like you, Ash. You are a wonderful and thoughtful friend, and an even better lover."

"Why do I sense like there is a but?"

"Because there is one... I got drunk today to numb the pain. I don't know if I'll regret telling you this tomorrow, but I never really stopped seeing Marcel. It got intense really quickly after that show in Manchester. We had a terrible few days of figuring out what we were going to do, and since we were involved at work, we decided to keep our romance a secret from everyone so that it wouldn't hurt our work... I'm sorry."

He takes back his arm from around me, and looks down for a few long seconds. He finally sighs and I look back up to his face. His eyes flicker from one eye to the other.

"Now I understand all those times you have pushed me away... I guess I should be thankful that you tell me the truth at all."

"It's not that I'm not attracted to you, because you are so fucking hot you've made me wet the second you got on that stage. Fuck! I shouldn't've said that!" I correct myself quickly and hide my face theatrically between my hands a moment and I hear him laugh. It makes me feel instantly better. "But it's just that Marcel and I, we compliment each other, in our interest, our personality and in our lifestyles..."

"If you are so happy with him, why would you want to numb the pain?"

"Oh boy... That's another deep subject I've been trying to forget all day..."

"Is it too much to ask?"

I look into his eyes and the only thing I see is pure kindness. I'm sure he isn't jumping at the idea to talk about another man, but I really appreciate the effort he makes to be there for me emotionally despite his grunge or jealousy he had in the past for Marcel. And Ash's genuine tenderness is making the choice so easy.

"We broke up this afternoon, right after you left the hotel. I was going back down to the conference hall to promote my book and I heard something I would have preferred not knowing."

"What was it?"

"An employee that Sophie and I despise told me that Marcel had murdered his father when he was fifteen."

I don't dare look up at Ash's reaction, because I am scared that it will simply cause more drama, and it is so not what I need right now. But he doesn't move. He doesn't react at all, he is thinking this through.