my heavy relationship with food

Introduction

Right at the start a trigger warning!
I talk about some sensitive themes such as anorexia and depression.
I don't want to offend anyone. Just share my feelings and experiences. I'm sorry, if someone might feel attacked.

So starting with my lifeline.
I ever was a chubby child and I knew that. In kindergarten one boy used to call me "fat cow". I felt so bad, but tried to ignore it like my mum.
She kept telling me it's just baby fat and it'll get away when I'm older and grown up. But it doesn't! Surprise!
While all I hear is how skinny my sister is and how good she looks, even my mum is disappointed with my weight. (She once cried, cause she wishes I would be thinner.)
In my class I'm the second heathiest child. Although it's not hard, cause the most are skinny legends, I feel very bad about being one of "the fatty's". That doesn't even change if you take a look through the whole school; I still am fat. That doesn't change if you take a look through my family too.
Feeling this uncomfortable and anxious, I tried often to lose weight, but in the end I gave up or ended up with receiving bad eating habits, slowly turning into eating disorders.
I can't help me getting over it. It's kind of like an addiction. (If that is possible...)

Now I not just wanna lose some fat, I want to do more sport and eat healthier than ever. So basically change my whole life system.
I probably won't quit my bad eating habits and (somehow) eating disorders, although I know that they are not healthy. It's more important for me to watch out what I eat and not how often or rare.

I hope this book can help someone...

Have fun (I guess) and good luck with whatever you wanna achieve. ^_^