You Take My Silences and Make Them Less Alone // Gawsten

Chapter 15

I stayed in bed the whole day. I didn't want to go to school. I just wanted to be alone. 

A knock was on my door and it opened revealing Jawn coming inside. 

"Hey buddy. How are you feeling?", he asked cautiously. I just brought the blanket up to cover my face hiding my dried tears. I've been crying all day. How could I hurt such an innocent soul like Awsten? 

"Geoff, please look at me. We need to talk. I came to apologize.", he said making me come out from under the blanket. "For what?"

"For making the bet up in the first place. If I never made it, this would have never happened - ", I cut him off immediately sitting up moving so my back was against the headboard. 

"You're right. This would have never happened. If this stupid bet never happened, I wouldn't be in this position right now.", I sighed crossing my arms looking down. "But then without this stupid bet I would have never talked to Awsten either. This isn't your fault Jawn. You even told me to stop, but I didn't listen. None of this is your fault. You don't have to apologize.", I say looking up at him. 

"You really like this guy huh?", Jawn asked coming next to me sitting down. 

"I've never felt this way about someone before. When he smiles and laughs, it's like he's the only thing I want to be near me and he's so sweet and yeah I guess I do.", I say looking down messing with my hands. 

"C'mon.", Jawn says getting up. "We're going to get you a coffee and some fresh air. You didn't go to school today so at least come with me to get coffee."

"Fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awsten's P.O.V.

I was sitting outside my porch waiting for the only person I wanted to see right now.

"Awsten!", Otto called out getting out of his car  running towards me on the step. 

Once he reached me, he hugged me from the side squeezing me tight sitting beside me. 

After the situation with Geoff happened yesterday, I called Otto and he decided to come to Houston for the weekend. 

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?", Otto asked pulling away. 

"I mean I've been better.", I say softly. 

"I'm so sorry Aws."

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. This is all on him. I - can we not talk about this? I'm just happy you're here.", I say wanting to get off the subject. If he didn't want me in the first place, why would I give him the benefit of thinking about him. 

"Of course I would be here. You're my little blueberry smoothie.", Otto laughs and I give a small smile. 

"Other than you know who, how has school been?", he asks. 

"Honestly. I have no one, but I mean what's new.", I say sighing looking down. 

"Well then c'mon. We are going to hang out to forget he who shall not be named.", Otto says getting up giving me his hand to get up. I decline. 

"Otto, I really don't want to go anywhere. I -"

"Aws c'mon. Do you really want to make me sad.", Otto says pouting making me laugh. 

"Fine, let's go.", I roll my eyes making Otto smile in approval.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I swear! Travis is trying to get a job at the mall and applied everywhere, he just keeps getting declined.", Otto laughs. 

"Even the little kiosk that literally hires anyone?", I laugh. 

"Yes! He already tried that place 3 times!", Otto laughs. 

I wasn't very close to Travis. He was more Otto's friend than mine, but I do feel pretty bad for the guy. I mean not even the little kiosk wants to hire him?! We both laughed trying to catch our breath. 

I took a sip of my iced coffee until I heard the barista calling a name I really hoped was another person. 

"For Geoff and Jawn!", the barista called out and my heart sank. I looked at the corner of my eye and saw both of them getting their coffees and instantly looked at Otto. "We need to leave."

"What? Why? Wait. Is that the Geoff?", he said quietly so only we could hear. 

"Yes, now let's go.", I say getting my stuff together. 

"Wow. He is cute."

"Otto!", I quietly yelled at him. 

"What? I'm not gay, but he is a pretty dude."

I rolled my eyes getting up and bumping right into Geoff. 

The tension felt between us was intense and we just stayed where we were. I looked into his eyes like I was waiting for something to happen. 

"Can I - um - talk to you outside please. I - uh - need to talk to you.", Geoff says looking at me with pleading eyes. I looked at Otto for something. He nodded. I looked back at Geoff and nodded walking outside with him following closely behind. 

"What do you want?", I say annoyed once we get outside. 

"I wanted to apologize. I wanted to - "

"For what?! For messing with me just for a bet?!", I say raising my voice. 

"Awsten, please. You talked and I listened. Now can you please hear me out?", Geoff says with his voice shaking.   

I sighed annoyed, "Fine, go ahead." 

"Thank you.", he sighed and finally spoke up, "I am really sorry. I'm sorry I agreed to do this stupid bet. I'm sorry I messed with your feelings. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I played you. I'm sorry I took your first kiss away which I did not deserve to take. I'm so sorry. I swear at first this was just bet, but this past week showed me who you truly are. Awsten Knight, you are so special you don't even know it. You are beautiful. You are amazing. And I really did enjoy hanging out with you. When we kissed, I swear that wasn't for the bet. I called it off the day before. That day I hung out with you at the carnival made me realize how much I appreciate you as a person so I called it off. When we kissed at the park, I swear that wasn't the bet. That was me 100% me, Aws.", his voice got quieter as he ended. "I'm sorry I fell for you Awsten Knight. I don't deserve you.", he said softly and sighed looking down. 

I fell silent conflicting what to say. My heart broke for him seeing him so vulnerable. Geoff was never like this. 

"We never have to see each other again. Just please forgive me. I can't stand knowing I hurt you Aws. Please.", he pleaded. 

"Well then maybe you should have never made the bet in the first place huh?", I fought back. 

"I shouldn't have. I am really sorry for everything, but I am not sorry for meeting you.", he went to grab my hand and I couldn't move. "Please forgive me, Aws.", he pleaded. 

After knowing Geoff for a month, I knew he wasn't the type to plead for anything. It was usually the other way around. Also, he wasn't the type to show his emotions so seeing him like this broke my heart. We were both hurting. We both needed each other, but not now. 

I squeezed his hand and spoke up, "Geoff, I forgive you - "

"You do?", he went to hug me letting go of my hand, but I stopped him. 

"I forgive you, but I don't want you around."