Seventh Horcrux

Tom Riddle vs. Incompetence​

Contemplating a lemon drop, I wondered if the younger Malfoy was acting as a posthumous agent for Dumbledore. It would certainly explain his rather ridiculous assertion.

"Lucius, can you think of any reason why your son would be lying to me?" Interesting, I didn't know he could get that much paler.

"My Lord, I assure you that Draco is completely.."

I interrupting his foolish blatherings with a mere hand-wave. "Sirius, when did you first try to get into the Girls' Dormitories?"

"About half-way through my second year, my Lord." my right hand responded promptly, gaining a look of fond reminiscence. "I'd been trying to steal Lisa Anders underwear so we could.."

I approved of his precociousness in acquiring both the means and the inclination to blackmail others. "And when did you actually manage it?"

"About three weeks later, my Lord."

"And you expect me to believe, Lucius," I said slowly, returning my attention to the elder Malfoy, who was beginning to understand the drift of my questioning, "that your son and heir, who you have assured me is both willing and able to be of great use to my cause" preferably in a way that doesn't undermine his father "has been stumped by a feat that he should have been capable of for several years now?"

Visibly pulling himself together, Lucius attempted to marshal a counter-argument. "As a Malfoy, my Lord, Draco has been raised to be respectful of the privacy of the opposite sex. It is unlikely that he would choose to engage in such..."

"He's gay, isn't he?" Sirius broke in with a knowing look.

"What!? I..."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Lucius." he continued smoothly, adopting an understanding tone of voice. "After all, what does it matter if he spends all his time around the younger Crabbe and Goyle and happens to be obsessed with Harry Potter? It's a perfectly valid lifestyle choice."

"My son is NOT..." Lucius began heatedly, puffing himself up like one of his remaining peacocks.

"Or maybe he's scared of girls? Merlin knows, they can fierce when roused. Sneaking into their dorms by himself would surely be a perilous task for any male, even a bold seventh year. No-one can fault Draco for being afraid..." Clearly, my second in command was more evil than I knew.

Perhaps I should start taking more precautions.

I put an end to the argument; while it was amusing to watch Lucius' face cycle between red and white, having him suffer a stroke would be a waste. "Lucius, you will see to it that your son completes his task in a timely fashion, or you will both answer to me." I didn't bother to raise my voice.

Lucius stiffened, before taking a deep breath and bowing. "It shall be done, my Lord."

"Dismissed." I had lessons to plan.