Trails Weary

Chapter 7 ~ Almost. So Close.

The night had continued to escalate in terror... It felt like days had past, though I hadn't seen the sun rise yet. I still laid in the tree, in the pitch black of the deadly night...

My stomach was in knots...stressed to no end, everything hurt, and tears continued to trickle one at a time down my face. They made their way through the rinkles of my puckered face of pain like water fills every low groove to get to the rest of it's kind in a creak.

I was at wits end... I felt completely hopeless at that very moment. My life, that was not much of a life to begin with, had fallen apart in many chapters...and things had only gotten worse along the way. I wasn't sure if I just didn't remember my past well enough, or if this was almost worse... To be running, in fear, and for fear, that you will be killed at any second... To be on the run at all the times, only stopping for a short time before either being too scared to stay, or having no choice. My life was like a storm. It got far worse at times, but even in at the mildest of moments, it was still dangerous, and unpredictable...

Everything had gone from bad to worse. In the back of my mind I recalled my intenchions...or hopes really...that I would some day be at peace. As if, I could run away, and suddenly life would be simple and happy, like I had always wished it to be... But with every turn I made, I found this to be hopelessly untrue. I was in danger then, and always would be...

What is in store for me? I wondered, in destress. It was like my thoughts had a direct path to my tear ducts. Every time I thought in silents words my eyes would brim with unsteady tears. I wondered what was ahead... Would I ever be able to feel safe? Or even, not feel like death was right around the corner?? My mind wondered continuously... I couldn't take it... This plan, was nothing but good intentions and hopes... Faulty ones at that... I knew if I didn't get killed that night, I would probably be killed horribly by some kind of wild creature, or be caught up with and tortured beyond what I could comprehend.

It was just too much...

Emotion level, peaked... Physially and mentally weak... Fear level, unimaginable... Frame of mind...Continuing to worsen. I couldn't take it... Nothing good could possibly come to mind... Only worse - and worse - and worse.

"One bullet!" "Only one damn bullet!" I said to my self as my tears started rappidly increasing, and I was begining to lose my mind from fear, hunger, and lack of sleep. Then, I stopped...

My focus changed...

My attitude changed...

Suddenly, the answer to all of my troubles was just in front of me, easily accessable, and easily done. Something so simple, quick, and peacful... At that moment, it seemed like common sence... Like, who wouldn't do that, or have already done it? Emotionless, I began plaught my death. As quick and easy as a pull of the trigger. I was thinking myself a fool for not thinking of the propper use for that one piddily bullet.I was at wits end, and this sounded like a perfect way out.

I released my sides from my clenched arms, and uncrossed them from over my gun, laying on my chest. My white nuckled hands had a curve I couldn't straighten. Just feeling for things on my gun, I managed to stare up at the sky, while feeling by brayel for the trigger, and safety release button. I turned the gun around, and laid it back on my chest, while scooting the tip of the barrel up against the underside of my chin. My calisted finger rested on the trigger. The metal was cold, but it was almost heart warming. The metal barrel was cold, shocking my eyes wide open, and made me look straight up with a cringe from the chill. Then, I noticed something... Something beautiful. The stars. Suddenly, my eyes were fixatted on the sky, gazing from star, to shining star. My tought chest released a sigh, pushing my back flat up against the tree in an almost relaxed possition. For a moment the stars captivated my troubled mind.