Strawberries & Cigarettes (Guilt & Pleasure)

Chapter 4

Enchanting.

If I ever have to describe how her lips feel on mine, I'll just say it's enchanting. The acrid mint that she's just relinquished in my mouth drives me insane. If only I could pull away... I wish I could pull away. But my lips want hers to stay right where they are right now. I've officially exploded into ecstasy when she tilts her head, sending her lips into movement. And I'm wanting it more and more. And more. And more. I feel every inch of my body tingling, from the very top of my head to the ends of my toes.

I close my eyes, letting her take the lead.

This is wrong.

Her hold is in between gentle and taut. I don't move, the glory of her mouth is overwhelming me and all I can do is melt. Should I kiss her back?

Open your eyes, Nayeon.

But I don't want to... what can I do? I am caught in a trap. A trap I don't wish to flee from. Right now I am over the moon, on the seventh heaven. And so I figure... this isn't a trap, this is cloud nine.

Chaeyoung is her girlfriend.

I am about to reach for her cheek and draw our faces closer, because I crave it. That's what my body wants. And at this moment I don't really have the power to control it. This kiss... this girl whose mouth tastes like mint, she has the power over me now. And as if I can do nothing but surrender to it, I allow her deepen the kiss.

Chaeyoung is your sister.

I pull away, and I feel as though I just got pulled up from the depth of the ocean. I inhale rather deeply and give her a mixed look of confusion and disbelief. She's almost just as taken aback as I am. My mind is still all over the place. I attempt to say something, anything, but nothing comes out of me. I hate myself for letting her do that. And I hate myself more knowing I can't put all the blame on her because I know... that a part of me liked what happened.

"We shouldn't have done that..." are the only words that I can mutter, then I gather myself together just so I can get on my feet.

I leave her there.

*

I look at my reflection and I feel my stomach churning. How could I do that...? I feel disgusted and disappointed with myself and I can't even look at my reflection for too long. I listen to the silence; I try to calm myself. God, I need to think straight.

But then I feel it again, the feeling of her lips against mine has left its traces. I unconsciously press my fingers against them, my heart stops as flashes of what happened bombard my mind. I shake my head along with the flashes off. Then I turn the faucet on, grab the soap and wash my lips aggressively. Tzuyu is my sister's girlfriend. This can't happen again. I can't let it happen again.

I don't dare going out of my room for the rest of the night, and she doesn't dare knock on my door, either. I don't even know if she decided to stay outside for a little more while or if she went after me. I don't know how she feels about it, because I just walked out on her without studying her reaction well. Now that I think of it, I suddenly feel guilty. Maybe I can sleep it off.

The next time I go out of my room is the next day. And it's not even as soon as I wake up. I have to take at least an hour to compose myself and think of what I will do once I see her face to face again. I need to be calm. She can't know she has this kind of effect on me. Not when I'm still kind of in denial about it.

Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do it. The mere thought of her irresistible charming morning look already melts me. But I know I'll have to do it one way or another. And right now, I just want this over with.