Alter Egos

What Might Have Been

She brought the phone up to her ear, her heart rate quickening slightly. The line rang twice before it was picked up, a familiar voice filling her ears.

"Hey," Barry's voice crackled through the speaker. He seemed calm, almost happy. Caitlin felt a bit of relief wash over her.

"Hey," Caitlin echoed, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Is everything alright?" He inquired, a sudden worry in his tone. "I didn't miss a meta alert did I?"

Caitlin felt a panic surface within her, followed by a pang of melancholy. The panic was because she realized she didn't really have a concrete reason to be calling, but the pang was because there had once been a time when she hadn't needed one.

"No, no, everything's fine," Caitlin shook her head, casting her gaze downward. "I just...I wanted to see how you were doing," she admitted.

"I'm good," he replied brightly, though there was a catch in his words. He was lying. She knew he was.

Caitlin had never wanted to facepalm so hard in that one moment. Of course, he wasn't alright. He had just lost his daughter less than a month ago and the man that had repeatedly ruined his life had gotten away. Caitlin brought her hand up to cover her face, mentally kicking herself. How could she be so stupid?

"How have you been?" Barry inquired after a few moments.

"I've been doing alright," she lied, hoping she did a better job at masking her words then he did.

"That's good," Barry said quietly, a softness to his voice.

There was silence for a beat.

"It's...uh...it's been a while," Barry spoke up, and Caitlin felt a spark of hope ignite within her.

"It has," she agreed. "Maybe we could do some catching up tomorrow? Get some drinks, like old times. Or see a movie?" She suggested hopefully, absently tugging at the hem of her sock.

"I...I wish I could," Barry replied, a hesitance to his words. "It's just tomorrow is family dinner night at Joe and Cecile's, and they're expecting me and Iris there."

Caitlin deflated instantly, her shoulders slumping. "Right, right. Sorry, I should've realized," she shook her head, keeping her voice as even as she could.

"If you want I could come over tonight though," Barry offered, perking up a bit.

"No, it's alright. It's getting pretty late anyway," she declined. Because what else was she going to do?

She couldn't very well ask him to come over at 10:00 at night just because she wanted a shoulder to lean on. Or because she missed how things used to be. Tonight, tomorrow, the next, a month, it didn't matter. Things between them would never be what they once were and Caitlin had been a fool to ever think otherwise. Barry had a wife and a family and a life far away from S.T.A.R. Labs, one that he had been more than happy to embrace in the past few years. A few simple drinks or a movie would not change anything. The reality was, he was no longer there for her in the way he used to be, and Caitlin would just have to learn to live with that.

"I'll see you..." Caitlin began, but trailed off. When exactly would she see him again? "Soon," she finished, doing her best to cram a smile into her tone.

The seconds that followed were quiet, the only sound over the line being their shallow breaths. In that moment, Caitlin allowed her mind to drift. Drift to what might have been.

...

When they first met, he had been a patient and nothing more. Another broken body for her to mend, and a new responsibility to factor into her daily routine. But somehow everything changed the moment he opened his eyes. Her entire life changed.