Kissing Men (BoyxBoy | Mature)

Chapter Sixty

"This is fucked up," I muttered to myself, stroking the pillow as if it was actually Kaidan in my arms.

That was another thing: cuddling. I didn't like cuddling. At all. Never. As in, absolutely never under any circumstances. But then, Kaidan came along. Now all I wanted to do was spend all day with him in bed, just holding him, doing anything. Talking, laughing, fucking, anything, as long as it was with him. Hell, I'd stick my hand in a fire if he told me to.

What was wrong with me?

I sighed again, this time in frustration, and grabbed my phone, speeddialling Rob. He answered just before the line gave up.

"Yo, Laycock, what's up?" he asked, slightly muffled as if he was eating.

"I need a shoot," I said quickly, leaving no time for pleasantries.

"Uh, sure. I haven't had time to cancel tomorrow's if you've still got that in your diary," he said. There was a slight shuffling as he grabbed a pen and his diary. "Yeah, with Anya at about 11."

"What cat?" I asked automatically, fiddling with a loose thread on the pillow case.

"Category, category..." He made a slight noise as he search for the answer to my question. "Average. Boring for you, I guess. We can talk more details tomorrow if you're game."

I was quiet for a few moments, chewing on my bottom lip. "Average as in no barebacking, right?"

"Hm? Since when was that a priority of yours?" he asked. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Alright, alright, no need to give me the silent treatment. Anya doesn't do bareback so condoms all around, man."

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. "Alright... Usual studio?"

"Yeah. Jay, what's up with you? Usually you don't do any shoots while you're tutoring, what happened? Is Kaidan okay?"

"He's fine, it's just... I've just got some shit going on and I need a distraction, that's all," I said quietly.

"Maybe I could talk to him and schedule a shoot for you two, sometime? He mi--"

"No!" I said suddenly before taking a deep breath and calming down. "I mean, just let me give him some camera exposure, okay?"

"You still haven't done that? Jesus, Jay, you've had him for a week, what have you been doing with the boy?"

I could tell he was a bit annoyed at that but at that moment, I didn't give a shit.

"He's a special case, okay, Rob? I don't want to rush him into everything just for the sake of you getting your new twink early. He's not ready."

"Fine. But it's your job to make him ready." He sighed. "Look, whatever. You do what you want with him, just get him ready, okay? Anyway I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," I said quietly as I hung up.

This was what I needed. A scene with some nameless, faceless, blonde bimbo to just bury whatever I was feeling. This was right. I needed this.

But if this was what I needed, why did I feel so bad about it?

***

~Kaidan's P.O.V.~

"How can you not love that shower?" I asked as I walked into the room Jay and I were in at the moment. "It's, like, the best shower ever."

"Hm?" Jay said, looking up from where he had his face buried in a pillow. He was looking significantly less happy than when I left them.