Sometimes I cry but I cry quietly and secretly to avoid scrutiny from everyone around me. A long time ago my brother told me that boys do not cry under any circumstances and especially when they are in pain. I have a problem with this contention but I look forward to raising my argument when I am not in constant pain. In this case, whenever I feel weak and in torment I close myself up and cry. Crying is not a pronouncement for help, do not misunderstand me. Crying is a form of expression just like laughing and talking but crying is special. Now I am just rambling things even I have not thought about. I think I cry because I do not have anywhere to turn to. I have no friends... wait... I have no friends that are willing to sit and listen to someone talk about their feelings. I cannot talk to my family; I do not trust that they have feelings because I just do not. It seems it all falls to me to comfort myself.
My brother just entered; he is sweaty and panting. He is always home like a war hero whoever said football was the New world war? I say hi and he waves as he gets out of his sports t-shirt. He is supportive but I guess he is... I am afraid another victim of passive aggressiveness when it comes to emotions. He is supportive in homework and girls and well... sex talk but my twin does not just open up about his feelings you know. He is more closed up than anyone I know. I have never tried to ask him about what goes on in his heart but I realised this because he has never come to me and I do not think he has gone to anyone else.
Okay, yes! We were talking about crying. I cried yesterday when I got home from school. I am in form three now and well... there is a lot of pressure to do better in my academics. There is pressure to be cool and popular; appreciated. It is so hard to be all of these things positively. You can be popular but not academically good and you can be academically good but not popular. One cannot simply have a smooth life only having one of these. I know this because I am neither Albert Einstein nor am I Zac Efron. I am like if Lindsay Lohan had a child with Peter. If you do not know Peter then you get my point. I am a disaster! You will say I do not have to want these things. You might even say that I can live without them; I can live through this episode. I can just be comfortable with the less. I do not need popularity and appreciation from everyone but... The thing is I am only human. A fifteen-year-old human and I do not want to stand out. Not now and not in a long time... So I cry because I cannot get these things in my mind and I cannot get them in reality. It is painful. It really is and that is why I need this diary so it heals me.
YOU ARE READING
THE DIARY
Short StoryAmon feels left out at school and at home. He feels like everything he stands for is against what he is supposed to be by society. In his secret diary he writes about what he feels, what he thinks and what he wants.
