Moonlight | Kim Taehyung

17: Luna

I'm sitting in the passenger seat of Taehyung's car and my sister is playing with her doll in the backseat. Soft music is blasting from the speakers as Taehyung taps his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel. He seems nervous and slightly upset. I too am upset as I dig my nails into my palms.

"Do you want to talk?" I ask. "I have something to talk to you about and it looks like you do too."

He turns to look at me and nods, "You just read my mind."

After that, we're silent for the rest of the car ride. I close my eyes and focus on the beat of the music and Taehyung's constant tapping.

---

Minutes later, we arrive at my home.

I turn my head to face my sister, "Rae-na, go in first. I'll head inside after I talk to Taehyung for a bit, okay?"

"Okay!" she says happily as she opens the door and prances into the house.

The car is silent. I glance at Taehyung and observe him as he rests his head on the steering wheel. He suddenly begins to sob, so I instinctively rub his back to soothe him.

He then sits back up and brushes away the tears, "I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry," I say gently. "Tell me. What's on your mind?"

He sighs and looks down at his hands, "I don't know if I can move on from Haneul."

"What makes you think that?" I ask.

He sighs again, "There was a girl, a pretty girl who walked into the cafe I was working at this morning. She wanted to date me, but I rejected her. All I could think of was Haneul. I could only think of dating her and no other girl. I felt that I would be betraying her if I were to date someone else. I just... I..."

"Taehyung... you're not betraying her," I say. "If she really loves you, she'll be happy to see that you're happy. So I know she'll be glad that you're moving on and dating another girl that makes you happy."

"I'm just not ready yet."

"I understand that. Nobody can force you to move on and date someone else, but at least try to. It'll be good for you. Stop trying to go back in time and think of the past. You should live in the present. Move forward and don't turn back around."

"I don't know if I can do that... Haneul is always on my mind, she's constantly appearing in my dreams. The memories we've made, I just can't stop recalling them."

"I know you can do it. I believe in you. We made a promise to try. So try. Try your best, okay? If you try, then I know you'll be able to do it one day. You'll be able to move on and live in the present. You'll be happy. I just know you will be."

If only I could take my own advice. Why am I telling Taehyung all this when I can't even do those things myself? I can't even move on from the past. I keep thinking about the times I struggled with depression. I suppose it's easier said than done.

Taehyung is silent as he stares out the window. A couple is walking past the car and he's staring at them. Smiles are plastered on their faces as they walk hand in hand.

"Whenever I see couples like them, I think of Haneul. I think about the times when we were like those couples," he mutters.

"That'll change when you date someone else. You'll think of that person instead," I say in an attempt to get him to date some other girl.

"It's not that easy to start dating someone. I don't want to just date some random girl. There needs to be some sort of attraction between us," he says. "I assume you haven't dated anyone."

"No, but..." I admit but before I can finish, he interrupts me.

"I'll date someone when I'm ready," he states. "I promise you, I'll try. I really will."

"Okay," I reply. "But I actually think you and Aurora would be a cute couple. She's a sweet girl and I somehow have a feeling that she'll be able to make you happy. She seems to be a positive person."

"I don't feel a connection between her. She's more like a younger sister or just a friend. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who I'll date."

"Yet you kissed her and slept on the same bed last night."

He looks a little startled as he says, "She told you?"

"Well, yeah, Of course she did."

"Then she should've told you that I was drunk and thought she was Haneul. I didn't actually want to kiss her or sleep with her."

"Yeah, but maybe you could try and date her."

He looks at me and sighs, "So what do you have to talk to me about?"

"Eager to change the subject are we," I say and I look out the window as I sigh. "It's nothing much. You must be busy and I don't want to waste your time."

"Luna. You're not wasting my time. Tell me what you have to say. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside, it's not good for you," he replies.

"Okay," I begin to say. "In class today, two girls who sat behind me were gossiping about me. Talking about the rumours of my dad's divorce with mum and how he's having an affair. They... they even talked about how I... how I tried to kill myself."

I breathe in and Taehyung is just calmly listening to me, "I kind of lost control of myself and yelled at them. I was so angry at them, I couldn't contain myself."

"Nobody can be constantly in control of themselves and nobody can always be calm about situations that frustrate them," Taehyung says to comfort me. "Those girls were being mean to you, so it's okay to be mad at them. They deserved it."

A smile manages to creep up my face as I say, "Thanks."

"Listen to your own advice," he says. "Don't let rumours get to you and stop thinking about the past. Ignore anybody who talks behind your back. They're unimportant. Imagine that they're just tiny insignificant ants."

The smile on my face broadens and I instantly feel much better. Talking to Taehyung is always nice. We kind of understand each other, in a way. I guess it may be because of the experiences we've had.

"Oh! I almost forgot to say, my friend, Jungkook's birthday is this Saturday. I'm planning to hold a birthday party for him at my place. He's a really sociable person who loves meeting new people. So, would you like to join? Aurora and her sister, as well as my other friend, Jimin, would be there too," Taehyung asks abruptly.

"Sure," I reply.

It'll be good for me, or maybe even for the both of us to let loose and enjoy ourselves. A birthday party would be great. Meeting new people doesn't seem like a bad idea either.

We sit in silence for a couple more minutes before I head back home. We enjoy one another's accompany as the music blares in the background. Taehyung's presence is somehow comforting. He makes me feel so at ease and calm. I enjoy this moment of peacefulness with him.

---

When I finally get inside the house, I see that Rae-na is at the dining table doing her homework and mum is in the living room watching TV. She's smiling and giggling as she watches the screen. That makes me smile too. I'm glad that she's happy.

"Luna. You're back," she says once she notices me. "How was school?"

She wouldn't normally ask me how my day went or how school was, so I'm slightly taken aback when she does. I guess things have changed now.

"It could've been better, but it was okay," I reply with a beam.

"That's good," she replies and averts her attention back on the TV screen as I head over to sit beside my sister to start doing my own homework.