By Any Other Name

Sharing is Caring

That list of numbers hung over my head the rest of the day. I went to work, trying to avoid thinking about it. I didn't have the courage to take the little breaks to go chip at the wall. The new captain made it sound like everyone was going to get caught if they tried anything. I considered giving the entire thing up. The only people that knew I was a part of it was 604 and 707. I was pretty sure 604 wouldn't rat me out and Sev barely knew enough to tell. 

I was still debating it while we were detasseling corn. It was annoying work, having to pull the stuff off, and 211 wouldn't shut up about the whole thing from before. 

"I can't say I'm that surprised," she was saying. "Anyone from Division 7 gets a big head about themselves. Going out to face Depraved every day makes you stupidly brave. And then there's Division 4. They think they're so much smarter than anyone." 

She continued like that for awhile. Blocking her out took so much concentration, I almost didn't notice Sev walking up until his shadow fell across mine. I jumped. 

"Orchard duty," he said. 

We were back within the safety of the trees. The closest thing to a sanctuary I had. We got to work as usual. I was particularly careful about reaching. I couldn't afford a broken leg right now. Sev must have realized that as well, because he waited until I got to the bottom of the ladder to speak. 

"When do we start?" he asked. I didn't bother pretending to not know what he was talking about. Instead, I stared at him with wide eyes. 

"You're still in?" I asked. "Even after..." I gestured vaguely. He nodded. I racked my brain for something to tell him.

"Meet me in the machine shed after we hit quota," I replied. He nodded and we got back to work. If he noticed I was quieter than usual, he didn't say anything. 

It wasn't uncommon for Division 1ers to use the machine shed after hours. While the Overseers were always paranoid about people stealing, the tools had to be kept up. So anyone from the division with a low value could always up it by getting some work done after hours. 

Sev and I sat there, sharping tools. If any Overseers had been keeping a close eye, or the cameras were closer, they might have thought it was weird that we were sharpening trowels and spades. But they were my personal weapons of destruction. They were inconspicuous, but solid metal. And if you sharpened them, pointy enough to slowly ship away at stone. 

We didn't speak a lot as we worked at it. But I was still curious about Sev's reasoning. It was dangerous enough when we thought the Overseers were still clueless. But now it felt like they were right on top of us. But he wasn't backing out. Common sense said questioning him would just make him suspicious. But I had to know. 

"Why do you want out?" I asked. "I told you my reasons, but you never mentioned yours." 

He didn't reply immediately. Or even after a couple minutes. He put down the spade he'd been working on and picked up another. 

"You get along well better than just about anyone," I continued. "I've never even seen you sneak a bite." And still, there was silence. I was about to give it up and admit it was stupid to have asked, when he replied. 

"I don't really think beyond the day I'm living," he said quietly. "Most of the time I'm just hoping people aren't afraid of me." 

"I'm not afraid of you," I whispered. He looked up at me and I felt the full weight of his gaze, like two little storm clouds. 

"I know," he said softly. "You're fearless. With all these big ideas and dreams." My heart was beating arrythmically at the compliment. I couldn't  tear my eyes away from his. 

"But what about you?" I asked. "What's your big dream?" 

"I'm no good at coming up with them," he shrugged and stared down at his hands. "But... I was hoping..." His voice trailed off. I realized I'd moved closer over the course of our conversation. 

"Hoping?" I prompted. 

"Hoping I could share yours."

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. At first, I thought he meant that he wanted a dream like mine, a room full of people that loved him. I was about to tell him there was no reason to feel nervous about wanting something similar. But then he looked up at me again and my breath caught in my throat. 

"Oh," I said lamely. "You mean, like... share share." A more stupid string of words had never left my mouth. But he nodded. We sat there in silence for a full thirty seconds. I couldn't figure out a string of words that would make a decent sentence for the situation. So I went with a universal form of communication. 

I kissed him. 

Despite being over 2 decades old, I hadn't really kissed a lot of guys. So I couldn't tell if I was doing it well. But after two seconds, Sev's arms wrapped around me and pulled me close. It felt like being wrapped in a super warm blanket... with a really fast heartbeat. I don't know how long it lasted, but when he pulled back, we were both flushed in the face. 

"Tomorrow," I said breathlessly. "We'll get started on that dream." The largest smile I'd ever seen spread across his face. 

"Tomorrow," he echoed.