✔️photograph • Kim Seungmin✔️

18 🌸

I ran out of the house again. Not because I wanted to get away, but because I had to see him. I had to tell him I read the note. I had to thank him for everything he did for me. I had to. When Chan saw me leave again, he ran after me, grabbing my wrist to stop me. "Don't leave again" he sad in a sad voice, but I quickly shook my head. "I have to see him Chan!" When he saw my determined expression and the letter in my other hand he nodded. "Get in the car, I'll bring you"

I was anxious during the whole ride. I kept looking up, hoping we were already there. Chan and I both stayed quiet, not knowing what to talk about, not feeling the need to talk. When we finally arrived at the cemetery I jumped out of the car and ran to his grave. There was his stone, beautifully engraved, with a bouquet of red roses in front of it. His favourite flowers.

I crouched down in front of it, tears were streaming down my face, but a smile lingered on my face. "Hey Ji..." I said softly, putting my hand against the stone. "I'm sorry I ran away two weeks ago... I didn't want to face reality I guess, the thought of missing you was difficult."

I took a deep breath. "I found the letter you know? I'm sorry I read it before you were in Malaysia, I know that was the original plan, but things really turned out different huh?" A single tear streamed down my face. "Thank you for liking me Jisung, you really mean the world to me, I'm so sorry that I can't return the feelings... I'm sorry I couldn't say this when you were still here with us. You probably would've just smiled and told me it's okay, why aren't you here anymore Jisung?"

More tears started flowing down. "I miss you Jisung." I started crying my heart out, until Chan crouched down next to me and put an arm around me. "We all miss you Jisung" he said sadly. I quickly wiped my tears away and smiled. "I promised you I wouldn't treat you differently right? So I'll come here every day. We'll talk every day, even though I'll do all the talking, but when you were still with us, I also did most of the talking, so I guess not much won't change."

I picked up the roses that were laid down carefully. "They're beautiful..." I looked up at the sky. It was calm with only a few clouds slowly moving. "Look Jisung, someone left you flowers!" I said as I lifted the roses as high as possible. "I'm not sure if you're looking at is from above, and I'm probably just talking to myself, but I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me!"

I put my hands around my mouth to make a microphone. "Thank you Jisung!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I smiled relieved. I guess not getting to thank him for everything was the worst part. Not just saying goodbye, but thanking him was the one thing I still had to do.

Chan put his hand on my back and smiled. "I'm sure he heard you." I smiled while I keep looking up. "I hope he did." Chan slowly lead me back to the car. In front of the car, I looked one more time, just being able to make out the roses in front of the grave. "Goodbye Ji" I said softly before getting in. I can finally move on now.

When Chan and I came back home, everyone came running to us worried, but when they saw my soft smile, they knew it was okay. "Let's all go see him tomorrow okay?" Changbin asked with a soft smile on his face, to which everyone nodded. "Let's do that."

"Y/N, let's go to your house to get the stuff you need okay?" I nodded looking at the rest. "Chan and I will be back soon" I said as the others smiled. "Come back safely!" Minho yelled after us as we already walked away. "We will!" I yelled back and waved one more time.

We didn't stay too long at my home. Chan told me I could sleep in Jisung's room. At first I hesitated, since it still felt like his room, but after he told me Jisung surely wouldn't have minded it either I agreed with him. I got all the necessary things and packed them in a suitcase. "This should be all!" I said as I finally got it closed. "Let's go home" Chan said with a smile on his face as he took the suitcase. Home... I smiled with just the thought. "Let's go!"

When we got back, most of the boys had already gone to bed. Felix was downstairs gaming while Minho was trying to read. "I'm gonna go to bed, you should also sleep soon okay?" Chan asked as he gave me a worried gaze. "I will, don't worry about me. Goodnight Chan!" "Goodnight Y/N!"

I once again went into Jisung's room, but this time with my suitcase. For the time being, I just got my pyjamas and toiletries out of it, planning on doing the rest tomorrow. I got changed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, seeing Seungmin was there as well. "Hey Seungmin" I said softly. He looked up a bit surprised, but smiled as soon as he recognized me. "Hey Y/N."

We ended up sitting on his bed, just talking about the past weeks. Of course, mine were quite miserable, as noticed, so were theirs. As things got rough, and as emotions came up again, Seungmin took me in his arms, making my back resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist as he continued listening.

"The past few weeks really have been awful haven't they?" He asked softly. "They really have" I replied. "Let's just go to sleep for tonight shall we?" He asked, noticing how tired I was. I just nodded and wanted to stand up, but Seungmin held me tight. Instead, he pulled me down with him and pulled the blankets over us. My back still against his chest, his arms still wrapped around me. "Goodnight Y/N." I smiled and closed my eyes. "Goodnight Seungmin."