The Way We Feel

Chapter 42

Mads and I only looked at each other, freezing up completely.

"Well, now you've gone and put too much pressure on us," I said.

"I think you've taken more than enough anyway. Time for the godparents to get in here," Mads said, already standing.

"Mark!" Emily called, barely glancing over her shoulder.

Mark, who she hadn't seemed to realize was standing just behind her, winced at how loud she'd yelled. "I'm right here," he said, stepping around her, drink in hand.

"Oh," she said, still very serious even though he was clearly trying to hold back a laugh. One of her hands dropped to her belly—small enough that it almost wasn't noticeable if you weren't in on the knowledge that she was four months pregnant.

The family had known for about a month, and already, it was easy to see the way both of them were different—with each other, especially. Emily was still working as much as ever, unwilling to slow down until she absolutely had to, but she was also smiling more. Letting Mark do things for her that she wouldn't have let him do before. And I didn't think it was possible, but in these last four months, Mark's gaze had gone even softer when he was looking at her. Even while she was bossing him around.

"Go next to Lila," Emily ordered, her one hand still on her belly. "I want to get some pictures of her with her godparents. Gemma?"

I watched as Gem, talking with a few people in the general direction of the living room, looked over, her eyes searching for the source of the sound.

"Come take some pictures with Lila," I called, standing to meet her eye. She was already setting her drink down. "We want some shots of her with her godparents."

I stood back as Emily got Gem and Mark situated, crouched down beside Lila's highchair just as Mads and I had been, all while Lila continued diligently working on her cupcake—more just spreading it out on the tray of her highchair now rather than eating it.

Mads sidled up to me, arms crossed, a loving smile on her face as she stared at our daughter. My arm slipped around her waist, pulling her closer to my side, and her head tilted against my shoulder. I felt her sigh.

"I still can't believe it," she said quietly, for only me to hear.

Lila's actual birthday was yesterday—January 8th. She was back to not sleeping through the night these last couple weeks, so she'd woken Mads and I at four in the morning, crying. Luckily, it didn't take long to put her back to bed. But we'd laid awake a while longer, lying in bed thinking about this time last year. How we were only hours away from her water breaking and heading to the hospital.

A year later, we'd marked the occasion by spending the day with Lila and my family, and grabbed dinner out at a restaurant together. Today was the day for the entire family to celebrate together. But Mads and I still had a moment early this morning, both exhausted from another interrupted sleep, where we'd sipped our coffee in the quiet of the morning, and thought about that day one whole year ago.

Now, I turned my head, kissed her hair, then heard her mother calling for her. "Madelyn, could you come help me with this please?"

Mads sighed, her hand coming to my chest and her eyes meeting mine with some amusement before she headed off towards her mother in the kitchen. I stayed right where I was, watching as Emily handed off her camera to Gemma so that Emily and Mark could take some pictures with Lila together.

Lila was still fastidiously painting the tray of her highchair with icing in between bites of cake, glancing up at the camera only once every fifty pictures taken. No one seemed to care though. As flash after flash went off, everyone only smiled, watching her, giggling as she babbled, or made a funny face, or shoved more cake into her mouth, those blue-green eyes sparkling as she looked from person to person in question.