Alexandra

Chapter Twenty One

"There are lemon cakes too." She said excitedly as she seated herself in a chair across the desk, plate of said cakes between them, and he couldn't help but smile. It was still difficult to find joy in most moments, but she made it easy for him to relax and smile and sometimes even laugh.

"Lemon cakes are my favourite." She admitted a moment later, and he stored away that little bit of information for later use.

"In that case, I'll have one." He said, reaching out to pick one up. Just as he did, however, she reached for one too and their hands brushed. He wanted nothing more than to hold her hand, but knew that that was an option not open to him.

"Sorry." He apologised, gesturing to the plate, "You go ahead."

She quickly took one of the small squares, a slight flush to her cheeks, and he picked up one of his own. He had to admit, as he bit into it, that it was quite delicious. It was the perfect mixture of sweet and sour, and he wondered when the cook had started making them.

"So, besides the tea, what brings you here?" Richard asked lightly, taking another lemon cake. "Stealing into a dark room with your betrothed is hardly ladylike behaviour." He teased, eyes sparkling in amusement as Alexandra fought back a smile.

"Well, I saw Mr. Townsend leave and decided you probably needed a stiff drink." Alexandra informed him, knowing very well of his dislike of official meetings, especially when they stretched so long and the subjects discussed were so dry.

"That drink was hardly stiff." He said mockingly, causing her to make a face. Not for the first time, he wished that they were married so that domestic scenes like these were a common occurrence, not a rarity.

"Well, I greatly dislike whiskey, so even a dash seems like a flagon." She said, and that made sense. While whiskey was considered a gentleman's drink, it was still an acquired taste. He himself had not liked it much at first, but he'd quickly grown used to it and then had liked it. More than anything else, he liked the burn.

"I think there is a conversation to be had that is still pending, too." She added a moment later, after gathering up her courage with a deep breath. Richard felt himself tense at the mention for there was only one conversation that she could be referring to.

"There is." He agreed, setting down his empty teacup and grasping the arm of his chair tightly, so much so that his knuckles turned white from the force of his grip. It was a conversation he'd been dreading for the outcome of it would surely be her return to Somerhall and the conclusion of their engagement. The last thing he wanted was either of those unfortunate occurrences, but it was certainly her decision to make. He would always listen to what she wanted.

"I am sure you want me to depart as soon as is convenient, but I was wondering what story we ought to tell the others about why we decided to end our engagement." Alexandra said in a musing tone, her words making him sit up straighter.

"What makes you think I want you to leave so soon?" He asked, confusion slipping into his tone. He hadn't ever meant to give her that impression, and he wondered where in the world she'd gotten that idea from"We are friends, are we not?"

"Well," She began awkwardly, "I'm sure you would like to be alone in such a trying time without me bothering you. It has been brought to my attention that I have been constantly hovering and that what you require is space-" She was going to say more, but he immediately interrupted.

"Who on Earth told you such absolute tosh?" He demanded, scowling. He would murder whoever seemed to think that they could make her feel unwanted, for that was clearly what had occurred. "You do not hover. And if you had given me space I'd probably have drank myself to death by now."

"It's alright," Alexandra said with a blush, "You don't have to protect my feelings. I know when I'm in the wrong."

"You're not in the wrong." He assured her firmly, "You haven't been hovering or cloistering me. You have been giving me something to think about, something to do, something to occupy myself with so that I don't go mad with grief. You have shown me that there is still goodness and beauty in the world, and you have not let that belief falter. You've helped me, Alexandra, much more than you could ever have hoped to."

"Are you sure?" She questioned doubtfully, an unconvinced note in her voice that he wished to rectify. He never wanted her to doubt the fact that he cared for her, though the extent of his caring was something he garnered he would have to keep hidden for a little while.

"I am absolutely certain." Richard stated, leaving no room for argument.

Alexandra swallowed nervously, and he could tell she was about to say something that she wasn't sure she ought to. "But I heard them talking, and they said that you would be much better off without me stifling you and preventing you from doing your duty as Duke."

"And who exactly had the gall to presume such things?" He asked, his voice dangerously steady. He was just about prepared to lose his temper, but did not want to lose it at Alexandra, for it certainly was not her fault.

"I'm not sure, I simply heard two maids discussing it." She answered quickly, biting her lip. He knew she was lying, presumably to protect the maids who were guilty of nothing more than spreading gossip, albeit slightly harmful gossip. He did not press any further, however, out of respect for her wishes. "I wouldn't be able to recognise them if you asked."

"There is no point in my asking any such thing." He told her, sighing before continuing, "All that is in my power to do is reassure you that the opposite is true. I would not be in this study, meeting with a solicitor or even standing if it wasn't for your intervention. I would have been deep in my cups and happy to be there, and I am grateful to you, Alexandra, and I only wish you didn't doubt that."

Fortunately, he appeared to have reached her, for she smiled before nodding firmly. There was a thoughtful silence between them for a moment, and Alexandra cupped her hands, settling her face in the dip as she pondered something.

At the sight, he briefly wished for her to be charmless or boring or ugly or something unattractive so that he might have prevented himself from being so wholly taken in by her. Unfortunately for him, she was quite bewitching and he was in her power. If only she felt the same, he would have been more than happy to remain so.

After a moment's silence during which Richard did all he could to avoid staring at her by pretending to be entirely occupied by a lemon cake, Alexandra cleared her throat awkwardly before asking, "So, you do not wish for me to leave immediately?"

Richard stared down at his hands for longer than he would have liked as he floundered in an attempt at giving her an answer that did not reveal more than he was prepared to reveal at the present. Finally, he simply said, "That's the last thing I want. I want for you and your family to stay here for as long as is possible, although I am sure that they, if not you as well, grow impatient."

"As far as I know, they do not mind." Alexandra supplied reassuringly, stretching as she rose to her feet. Their eyes met, and there was something heavy in her gaze that reflected his own in a way that almost calmed him."Now, I shall leave you to your work because, surely, you have far better things to do."

Before he could inform her that he had nothing better to do than spend time with her, she was gone.

He did not focus on anything mirroring work for the next hour.