An Anxiety Like Mine

Disscoveries and Depressions

Anxiety is a horrible figment of your mind. That's what makes it so scary, and why people don't except it. I still am struggling to except it, and I have known for 4 years coming.
When I first found out that I had anxiety, it didn't make things better, and that is the case for most people. It's just such a horrible thing, and me being only 8 when I found out, it just... didn't make sense. I couldn't even spell it. Let alone know what it was and how it would effect me.
But what was the times harder to except, was that I had 3 anxiety disorders, depression, and a small eating disorder.
The day I was told, and the day it just clicked in my mind that I was different, we're believe it or not one year apart from each other. I remember being sat down and told by my mum and nan, and I just sat there. I didn't ask any questions, because I knew that I wouldn't get good answers. So me being an idiot, took to Google, where I just saw so many different websites on how to cope with it, and just seeing them made me scared. Why was I like this? Would it effect my life? Would I ever be the same?
Now, I said this wasn't for the faint hearted, and it isn't. Every night I cried, because I was scared of the day to come. I barely ate anything, which compared to some people, it actually kind of lucky, and I never felt joy, or happiness. Weekends were my escape from the world, but only Saturday, Sunday was spent stressing about a Monday.
It was getting worse for me, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And all I can remember is a horrible feeling coming over me at about 1 term (around 10 weeks) into the school year that I would never get better, I would always be depressed, and no matter what I did, I would just be an empty shell.

But I never gave up.

Everyday, I got up, I got into my school uniform, and even if I would always end up crying, you can't blame a girl for trying. (Sorry... I had to).
Ehem
So, even though every morning would end up in tears, I kept going, and the fact that I knew that if I kept trying it would soon get better was just a fuel to my small little spark of confidence, that over the next 3 terms of school would turn into a small campfire (later on in my school life it probably got to the point where my confidence was a bushfire that was uncontrollable... but never mind that).
And it did get better, like (if you have anxiety and are reading this) it will do for you.
And us much as the anxiety stayed, all through the week I was crying, and my depression was getting worse. Every day I tried to smile at least once, laugh a little; I wasn't going to let myself become of what most people might.
I tried to not turn to medication, and luckily I never did. I may have had some little gummy lollies to help me with depression, but they were all natural.
Over the next month or so, it started getting a little better. I was able to laugh at jokes, but there was one thing that still bugged me.
I couldn't eat anything without feeling sick.
At meals I could eat about half of what was on my plate, and I'm still really happy with myself for that. I couldn't, and still can't compare that to anorexia, that would just be lying not not to you, but to me.
Now it may come to a surprise to most of you, but there was one thing that could get me to eat, and no, it's not something sentimental like a pet (though my cat did help with my depression and anxiety), it was simply just a can of Pringles (if you don't know what they are, look 'em up). They were my all time favourite food, and before each meal, my mum would let me eat about 4 or 5, just to get me wanting more food, and then I would just eat, and eat, and eat. Granted, sometimes they didn't help. But since I was crying so much, I was always tired and hungry.
But as I said, I kept trying, and you'll get to see what happened to me next in my adventures through my anxiety and depression next chapter.
Hope to see you there so that you can understand what it's like to go through an anxiety like mine!