Lost In Time: A Doctor Who Fanfiction

Chapter 74 - A Long Overdue Talk

He shrugged in self-deprecation. "I could do no less, after all you've done for me." He changed the subject before she could refute his point. "But I think we were talking about something else?" he redirected her gently.

Lyssa grimaced, knowing it needed to be done, but more than happy to put it off just a little bit longer. "It's stupid," she muttered, directing her gaze back to the water. 

"Then you've come to the right place," the Doctor jogged her elbow gently. "I'm an expert at that."

She snorted, her smile fading as quickly as it had come. "That's part of the reason why I'm talking to you," she said. "Not because you're stupid, obviously, but because I need someone to talk it through with." She grimaced at the thought, but forced herself through it, reminding herself that it was for the greater good.

"And because talking through your problems and traumas can help you get through them," she admitted reluctantly. "And it's not going to do me any good to just bury my issues; they'd just return at a later date and probably screw me over at the worst possible time."

"Well, I have absolutely no experience with that," the Doctor quipped before becoming serious once more. "But... you're not wrong."

Lyssa sighed, wrinkling her nose. "I was afraid you were going to say that."

He nudged her gently. "You know you don't have to say anything now, right?" he reminded her quietly. "You just narrowly escaped dying twice in as many days. You can take some time to relax and process before confronting traumatic events again."

She shook her head firmly. The idea was tempting, but... "If I don't do it now, I'll never do it," she said gloomily. "I'll put it off, or I'll jump to an earlier you who won't fully understand what we saw, and I'll excuse addressing it until it becomes an even bigger problem. As it is, I've probably left it far too long."

The Doctor glanced at her, frowning in confusion. "We only just got back," he pointed out.

"From this adventure, yes," Lyssa confirmed. "But... not from the other ones. It's been slowly building for a while, and I don't think I fully realized it until we got to the hotel and it was shoved in my face."

"Do you mean what you saw in your room?" the Doctor tried to clarify. 

She nodded, then thought it over. "Well, sort of. I suppose I should start at the beginning. Well, I mean," she paused, trying to come up with a place to start. "I'm not even sure where the beginning is."

"Take your time," the Doctor encouraged her gently. "I can wait as long as you need."

She smiled at him gratefully, still trying to sort through her thoughts and finally settling on a spot. "Thanks. I guess it all kind of started two jumps ago. I was with Nine and Rose, when we took Adam to see Satellite 5."

The Doctor crinkled his nose in distaste at the name. "Adam. Blimey. I'd forgotten about him," he muttered.

She nodded in agreement with the sentiment. "So, after we dropped him off, he... sort of blamed me for what happened, because I knew what was going to happen. And while he is the one to blame for what he did to himself, I... still feel guilty because I knew what was going to happen to Suki, and I didn't stop it - and then Rose got hurt, and that's on me as well, because I knew she was gonna get shocked and I didn't do anything to stop that either!"

She held up a hand when the Doctor opened his mouth to speak. "I know what you're going to say, but could I finish first? I kind of have to say it now while I still have the courage." He nodded, and she continued, taking a deep breath.