Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Forty Nine

"I'll try, mom," I finally replied to her advice. Unfortunately, I didn't really listen to her. She's been telling me to be happy since Monday, but its hard to do that when all I can think about is how much I screwed up. "Thanks."

Then I got out of the car, threw my bag over my shoulder, and slowly started my long and agonizing journey to the courtyard. I already had that sickly feeling of worry in my stomach, and I didn't know how today was going to go. I was lucky enough to have Jessie hang out with me during lunch and english, and she's even been hanging out with me over Abby and Amanda and stuff. She told me that they still hate me, and I don't blame them. I would hate me too.

When I was fully on campus, I made sure to look straight to the ground and stay like that. There was a lot of people already here, and when that stupid feeling I get when I sense people staring at me came back, I got even more uneasy. I've been getting that feeling every morning, and its worse that it usually is. I'm starting to hate the fact that everyone in the school "knows" me, because they really don't. They know of me for the very worst reasons, and I really wish it wasn't like that anymore. Jessie told me that she's heard people talking about Ashton and I, and that seems ridiculous to me. How the hell do people know? I guess it's because it's Ashton's life we're talking about, and people seem to crave knowing what goes on with him. I utterly hate myself for telling my stupid old friends about his issues... but once again, I'm a fucking idiot. I guess since he's gone from the most feared person at this school to the most made fun of, people are just interested in Ashton. And I guess because of all my dumb and rather slutty choices, people tend to talk about me too. I hear shit all the time, but I don't mind it anymore. They're right. I suck.

"Brooke!" I heard Jessie's voice behind me. I spun around as she called out my name, to see her hurrying over here with her bag slipping off her shoulder.

"Good morning." I greeted. My voice was still so tired and quiet, no matter how many times I've cleared my throat.

"How are you?" she asked me. She kept walking straight, but leading the way away from a group of jocky-looking guys staring at me. Thats all they do; they stare and whisper amongst themselves, and I'm fucking sick of it. There's nothing interesting about me. "Feeling any better?"

"Nope," I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." she said. She took a seat at an empty lunch table, and patted the spot next to her. Luckily, this spot was away from everyone else and that stupid bench Ashton and I used to always sit at. I could see it from where I was sitting right now, and unfortunately Michael's newly dyed hair was the first thing I spotted. I've made sure to stay away from him since the week started, because I'm sure if we're anywhere near each other he would rip my head off. I don't know if him and Ashton are friends again or what, but I still know that Michael cares about him a lot. So if he sees me, I'm dead.

"Just try to forget about him okay?" Jessie said beside me. Her words made me want to laugh a little, actually. I don't see how that's possible. "Even if it takes a lot of time."

"Okay," I mumbled. "I'll try to forget about Ash...Ashton."

The words got caught in my throat. Even saying his name makes me feel funny and upset. This sucks. This really, really sucks, and I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be able to forget about him this easily.

"Where even is he?" Jessie asked. "Do you know?"

"Not a clue," I sighed, resting my head in my hands. I kept my tired eyes on Michael, who was joined by Luke and Calum on that fucking bench. I watched the three of them talk to each other, and they looked just as casual as ever. Considering that huge fight that went down between the 4 of them, looking at them now tells me that they probably all made up. Knowing the weird and extremely close bond Ashton has with Michael, I'm sure they made up the day after we broke up. I don't know whats going on with them for sure, but I'm not going to go and ask. It's none of my business, and I don't want my head ripped off.