playing god

twenty || point a finger

yelyah: yeah ill open it and walk straight home, sound fair to you?

tyorkie: look, hayley. i'm obviously not going to force you to do or say anything you don't want to, and im not going to keep you at the studio if you want to go home, but i just.... you shouldn't be alone right now. you should talk about this all, hayles. it's a lot, i know, but we're here for you. we all are.

tyorkie: in fact, zacs pulling up to the studio right now. maybe he's the best person to talk to about all this right now

yelyah: and why is that?

tyorkie: oh, well

tyorkie: nothing really it was just a thought

yelyah: jesus christ

yelyah: so, what, you all know now, do you? it's all just some fucking game to you? pass around hayleys trauma like a goddamn telephone, but try not to fuck it up too much as you spread it. lord knows it doesn't need to be any worse

tyorkie: hayley, no, it's nothing like that at all, i swear

yelyah: you all think you've got me all figured out but apparently you don't know me at all.

yelyah: does it really matter that ive been abused or does it matter that im sticking up for myself in the end? does it matter that josh was a shitty boyfriend who hit me when i didn't listen or does it matter that i was a shitty girlfriend who wouldn't listen? does it matter that i keep losing friends or does it matter that i can't keep anyone around long enough to stay? doesn't it matter that i yelled back? doesn't it matter that i cheated on him? doesn't it matter that i told him to hit me, told him to man up and finally do what i know hes always wanted to?

tyorkie: hayley..... im so sorry. the guys don't know anything

jermbeats: hayles..... i... you've been hurt like that?

ptcruiser: fuck hayley im so sorry, i didnt know

yelyah: fuck off you didnt

tyorkie: i swear hayley, i didn't know or say anything, i just heard what you were talking about with josh and everything you've said to me over the years and i just

tyorkie: i worry hayles. i worry that you're hurting or you're gonna get hurt

yelyah: well you're a little too fucking late for that, aren't you? you all are. everybody's always too late, not enough, whatever. things just don't work out and ive come to accept that, so do we really need to go through the middle man of us all believing they will?

ptcruiser: hayley, im here

ptcruiser: please come out

yelyah: did you break up with emily?

ptcruiser: what?

yelyah: did you leave her?

ptcruiser: well...

ptcruiser: yeah, i guess i did. tonight.

yelyah: good

ptcruiser: .....so you'll come out?

yelyah: i wanted to make sure that none of you make the same mistake i did.

tyorkie: hayley... this isn't your fault. none of this is

yelyah: yeah well im the one who fell for him didn't i? im the one who believed when i knew this whole love thing was bullshit. im the one who never shut the fuck up long enough to listen to what he was saying. im the one who cheated, yelled and screamed back instead of stopping things, im the one who told him to do it. and now i'm the one who hates him for it

tyorkie: hayley, im so so sorry for everything

yelyah: why are you apologizing? im telling you that it's my fault

tyorkie: i care about you so much, hayley, enough to tell you that it's not. none of this is your fault. and if you think it is, then i am the one who needs to apologize, because i haven't been doing my job

yelyah: oh what, your job is to take care of me, help me stop making bad decisions? im not that stupid little girl anymore who can't fight back you know

tyorkie: no, hayles. i haven't done my job of loving you.

yelyah: t

yelyah: cmon

tyorkie: even though it may seem like it, just feeling it isn't enough, and i realize that now. so im sorry, for not doing anything, for not helping you, for not realizing it sooner.

tyorkie: but if you'll just give me another chance, maybe ill be able to show you how capable i am of doing my job

tyorkie: so please, hayley. if you want this at all, and it's completely okay if you don't, please.... come out.

tyorkie: please hayley. i love you

yelyah: you know i love you too, taylor.

yelyah: wait. im coming

-

i've been saying it all this time, haven't i? that love is powerful? it is so strong, so beyond imaginable or comprehensible to the human mind. but what exactly are its immense capabilities actually capable of doing? healing trauma? mending relationships? strengthening bonds? saving someone?

or is it simply fooling the human mind?

...

i recently reread the ending to this, and i'm not sure i like it. not sure yet what i'll do.