The New National Anthem (Vic Fuentes fanfic)

Deniable Love

(A/N: now that you can add pictures on the mobile app, which I usually use for convenience, I just threw in one of the pictures from my "Katrina" folder. I keep a bunch of pictures that look like how I picture her to, and this is probably the one that looks most like how I intended her to look, if it makes any differences to you guys. Also, this is only party edited, so please just put up with possible typos and grammar issues)

KATRINA'S POV

I groaned a little a rolled over, or rather off, my bed. The fall was considerably shorter than if I'd been in my bunk, and glancing up confirmed that I'd been sleeping on the couch.

"Fucking hell" I muttered, slowly pulling myself up off the unbelievably hard floor, which might as well not even be carpeted.

"Sleep well, Kitty?" someone asked from above me, although everyone was above me, whether I was standing or not

"Just lovely" I bitterly replied, seeing that it was Cara who'd spoken. How the hell does she have time to get eyeliner perfectly applied this early?

I really wish I hadn't fallen asleep. Everything was black and white now. Not literally, of course. But I either didn't dream for weeks, or I'd be plagued with shitty nightmares. I could sleep 12 hours a night, or not all for days. Honest to God, I was becoming a zombie. There were dark circles underneath my eyes and I'd also been on the skeletal side of my weight yo-yo-ing lately. I probably barely clocked in at 80 pounds now. Granted, I'm probably not even 5 feet tall, but it wasn't enough, and I totally knew that.

Stumbling into the bunk area, I pulled my iphone from its charger and flipped it on; somehow, Jack Barakat broke it when he was drunk and partying on the bus. He freaked out, replacing my white iphone 5 with a black iphone 5s, a dozen "I'm so sorry"s included. I was fine without a new phone, but didn't care enough to argue when he'd practically shoved it in my hands.

Anyways, it was 7 am, I had way too many notifications for a normal person, and there was a text from Blake. I'd kinda been keeping in touch with my friends, but it wasn't even a half-assed effort. I felt awkward, like, "Hey, I tried to fucking kill myself and now I'm living on tour bus". But I honestly couldn't even think about Blake anymore. A week or two ago, he'd gotten drunk while facetiming me, and even though I'd had a few drinks too, I could remember him telling me that he loved me. That's another couple "Goddamit's" I added to my life. Ugh, he was on my mind, but he wasn't, and he shouldn't be. Why is this such a big deal? Oh yeah, cause I kinda like him too. Like, I always have. But I don't, but I do. God fucking dammit.

I sighed and sat down on the floor, unlocking my phone and deleting the text from him without even seeing what it said. I totally cared, except I totally didn't. Clicking on the phone icon, I opened Hayley's contact. It had a picture of us together in the bed of Jesse's pickup truck the day he bought it, and below it was at least 12 different ways I could contact my pink-haired photographer. I decided to go for the simple route by tapping her phone number. Placing my phone up to my ear, I waited through the rings. Just before her voicemail went off, a cheery voice greeted me.

"Hey!"

I mumbled a response, not really sure what I wanted to say, or why I even called

"Oh my god, Katrina. You will not fucking believe it" Hayley then launched into a story on how this annoying bitch who thought an expensive camera would make her a better photographer than Hayley herself dropped her camera in a fountain. Somehow I didn't see how it was huge news, but it was nice just to hear her voice. That was until, she unknowingly slipped something else in. "Yeah, I don't even know how Blake's girlfriend is friends with her"

"He has a girlfriend?" There was a lot more hurt is my voice than I intended

"Yeah, why does it-" I cut her off by hanging up