Secret Desire | BakuDeku Story

Chapter 1 ; I'm sorry

 Warnings | Strong language, Very Graphic Gore, Verbal Violence

Point Of View | Izuku Midoriya

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Sitting in the most uncomfortable chair with a shaky atmosphere clogging you senses and fogging your mind is hard enough, yet having the feeling of eyes stare into the back of your head in an eerie cloud of curiosity could be noticed as much worse. Although, I am experiencing this, this is not the worst of my situation. Not even close. In my case, I feel eyes burning my skin, mind filled with thoughts not capable of simple clearing, and the worst of all, having to stare at the spiked silky ash blonde locks I have so come to engulf in my mind ever since my utter awakening. Sadly, my awakening to a 'first love', whom many tell me is like floating on a sea of cupids above the clouds and in a heaven filled fantasy, has only led to my heart being punctured with so many pins not able of being popped yet. 

My eyes are glued to the trailed of hair on the back of his neck, the toned skin flashing so brightly in the glistening light of the classroom window, broad shoulders tightly concealed by UA's school uniform. Every time I am to just glance at him my heart flutters, skipping beats, dancing in sync with the not-so-foreign butterflies circling in my stomach as my face heats like an oven, tingling, sometimes even beads of sweat making way out of my pours to travel down my tainted face leaving streaks of salty wet and embarrassed droplets. I must admit, sometimes it can be graceful, and I have learned to cherish those moments, sending them into the back of my memory to enjoy later on as well. Others, and most of the time, it feels as if my heart pounds so far out that you are able to clench it in your grasp as it gets ripped out and flattened by a menacing heel, the butterflies thrashing violently, threatening to break-through my skin and eat me alive. My lungs then start to hurt, collapsing, forgetting how to breathe, and once reminded, the air stings my nostrils like lava burning and deteriorating my flesh. My throat clawing at my vocal cords in a failed effort to speak, only resulting into my mind spasms and shutting completely off before my oxygen is dissected from my deflating lungs.

The bell rings signaling the start of lunch. My classmates grab their bags and meet up with their peers to make way to the cafeteria. Although, I'm stuck staring off into my own world, not able to escape from my mind until a tap on my shoulder stings me back to reality. "Midoriya." My emerald flash to meet those of heterochromia. "You zoned out again."

I shook my head, riding of unwanted thoughts. "I'm sorry Todoroki-kun! How long was I out of it?" Getting up and exiting my desk to wrap my bag around my shoulder, the bi-colored haired male began again, "After class only around 2 minutes, but during I saw you begin to stare off which lasted around 10 minutes." I gulped, feeling a sense of dread realizing I'd have to ask him for his notes. "Not again... After school when we go to the coffee shop can I copy down your notes? I know, third time this week. Sorry..." He lightly smiled to lift some tension, and nodded, "No need to apologize Midoriya," He softened his features, letting a frown drop from the corner of his lips, "I'm just worried what has gotten you so distracted lately. You usually never zone out in class. You know you can talk to me, so what's been on your mind that's got you so shaken?"

Although I don't want to admit it, he's right. Uraraka is my best friend, yes, that will never change, but Todoroki is someone I can really talk to knowing he will never tell anyone else. He's very close in my list, almost surpassing Ochako. He's a really kind person and gets things. Knowing this, my lips moved for me. "Todoroki, I'll tell you on the way to lunch..." Saying so, we started to walk towards the cafeteria.

"So?" Shoto initiated. I could tell he was worried, he never started conversations. I let a deep breathe enter my lungs then exhale out, clearing some but not even close to the immense amount of tension suffocating my entire body. "Todoroki-kun. You are the first to know about this. My mom doesn't know, All might doesn't know, not even Uraraka-san. When I tell you this, you might be mad at me, sad, or even disappointed. All I want to add is that I've thought about this for a long time, since I found out, and I've made a decision for my own well being." Todoroki nodded to show he was listening, going back to look at me, "And?" I took another deep breathe before feeling the wetness of tears fall down my freckled face, blurring my vision, "T-Todoroki- I-" I stopped walking, looking down in shame. I felt a grasp on my hand, "Midoriya, It's okay. I'm here for you. You saved me from myself, I owe it to you."