Living with the Boys [Complete]

16. Our Beginning

"We don't have to put a label on everything, if you only find women attractive then you do. You say you have feelings for me and that's enough for me, I know it must be a lot more confusing for you than me. I accepted who I am a long time ago and I have no problems with it, you might need a little more time to find the right label or just chose not to have one." He reassures me as he holds onto my hand, his touch making those weird butterflies in my stomach and I feel as though someone turned up the heat in the room.

Weirdly enough he seems to have a good idea of what I'm thinking, or maybe he is just saying this to make me feel better. I am just so confused and don't know what the right thing to do right now is, normally you know what to ask or what to talk about. With Martin, it's different because I have known him for years and he is the person that knows me best, after my brother.

Mike. I have no idea how he is going to react to this whole thing, I know that he is very open and accepting of people because that's the kind of person he is. I just don't know if this will somehow change our relationship or the way he acts around me, god knows we went through that when we all slept with Hope.

We both thought that we could handle it but after it turned out that it was weird, sharing a woman with my brother at the same time. We had a short conversation about it that could not be more awkward, it was just too weird seeing him in that light and being there at the same time, so we agreed to never do that again, at least together.

I know some people really love having threesomes with people they know but I'm not one of those people. I have tried it and I have to say that the fantasy is way hotter than the reality, at least for me. I would much rather be with one person and know them. Know how to work their body and be comfortable with them but at the same want to fuck the shit out of them.

"I don't know if a label is going to help or confuse me even more." I admit because how am I going to explain this to people? I am not going to hide with Martin because I have gathered the guts to come this far and it's not fair on him to hide us or what we're feeling. If I'm doing this, I'm going to be all in.

"Then just think of it as being with me, it doesn't matter what anyone else might call it. As long as you're comfortable with us and want this, what else matters?" He asks and I can see that he is also struggling with this. Does he think that I'm not sure about him?

"Of course, I want this, I've tried to change it but it seems like we're inevitable." I try to joke as I try to lighten the mood a little. Truthfully, I feel uncomfortable with all this talk, I just want things to skip the awkward part and right to the comfortable stage where I'm dating my best friend.

"Not sure if that's a compliment or a complaint." He replies and I see the sceptical look in his eyes. I guess I am not doing very good at this feelings thing, the last thing I want him to think is that I don't want him, the whole problem this past month has been that I want him too much for my own good.

"It's definitely a compliment as the only reason everything has been dragged out like this is because I wanted you too much. I didn't know why or how that was possible so I pushed everyone away, hoping that I could think through everything by myself but I only ended up causing more problems." I try to explain as if I don't get it right this time, I don't know what more I could say.

"That's better, before you sounded like this was the last thing in the world you wanted to be doing. Not really the best start to a relationship to make me feel like I was forcing you into something you don't really want to do." He stresses staring at me, I know that he is letting this one go because he sees how confused I am.

"You always did like exaggerating things." I joke as I reach for the now cold coffee but see that he has already finished it. I might have had about three coffees today but I feel exhausted, all I want to do is lie on the couch or on my bed and go to sleep.