Musings Of An Introvert

EMOTIONS

My emotions are almost always well - guarded and I mostly spend time in my inner world, hardly revealing anything to the outer world.

I am generally very calm and patient. I sometimes do get angry, cry, argue or throw a tantrum, but that's only when I'm at home - only my parents and close ones have ever witnessed this face of mine. They are the ones that make up my inner world, in addition to my own heart and soul. They are the only ones who get to see my unmasked face, be it beautiful or ugly. Sometimes I am scared that the fact that I show my true colors only to my close ones may mean that I take their love for granted and so I don't bother impressing them. However, it is because I know that they won't ever judge me and will always love me, no matter what. These are the ones I am one hundred percent sure of, sure that they are going to stick around through thick and thin.

Being guarded does protect you from so much possible hurt and heart - break. You are not putting your heart out on display, and thus not giving an opportunity for the world to trample on your emotions. But by being guarded, you may be building an impenetrable wall around you, a wall that you may be better off without. Unknowingly, you may be making it difficult for people around you to approach you, missing out on people who might turn out to be a blessing in your life, you never know.

So, don't to be impermeable like clay, nor be freely permeable like a cell wall. Rather, be selectively permeable, like a cell membrane. Be in complete control of what and what not are allowed to pass through and reach you. (Yes, you guessed right, I am a nerd xD)

Being reserved goes both ways, people around you are guarded and reserved towards you as well. As much as I am comfortable being closed off, I don't really enjoy when it's the other way around, when people are being too stiff and formal towards me. It's like people are treading on thin ice around me. What I would really like is, for people around me to be comfortable with me. I want my friends to treat me in the same way as the rest of their friends, to give me a nickname, to tease me sometimes, to goof around, to have uninhibited fun. But a formal treatment is not all bad. Friends are careful about what they do or talk around you. They don't just go around stealing food from your plate, or borrowing things without asking. You certainly wouldn't want people to get so comfortable around you that they take you for granted, walking all over you.

Just remember that it's okay to feel raw and vulnerable at times. It's okay to cry in front of others, and to laugh till your belly hurts. Most importantly don't hold feelings in, you might one day go off like a bomb that's been ticking. Give an outlet to your emotions. For people who don't like talking out, it's best to write things down, to keep a personal journal. Be completely honest to yourself, there's no better friend and advisor to you than yourself.

A/N

I would appreciate suggestions on what I should write about in the upcoming chapters. Let me know whether you like my writing by leaving comments, and constructive criticisms are always welcome.
Love, Noor

^_^