「my boy」 | Johnnyboy

The Talk.

And then, just like that, he was opening up to me. All he needed was a gentle push from me, and he was carefully explaining everything he'd been through, which was a lot more than anyone would've guessed from first glance. By the end of the talk, we were both crying and holding each other, and even though talking about this stuff was depressing and awful, experiencing it with him felt... right. I finally felt like it was okay to feel this way about these things, and he told me he felt the exact same.

Presently, we were laying down side by side. His fingers were combing through the back of his hair and mine were tracing shapes along his back. His eyes flickered up to mine for a moment, a smile crossing his face as he blushed and quickly looked down, sniffling a little.

"What?" I smiled widely, watching him. He shook his head, staying quiet. "Nuh uh, tell me, Mr."

"I just... Nuh uh. It's dumb." He whispered.

"Nothing is ever dumb with you... What is it?" There was a long silence. So long, in fact, that I thought maybe he really wasn't going to tell me. It kind of made me upset, but I didn't say anything. My fingers started playing with the back of his shirt, my eyes looking down so I couldn't see his face.

"I just never wanna leave here... I wanna stay with you forever..." He whispered finally, biting his lower lip. I looked up at him, silent for another second.

"Then do it." It came out as a heavy breath and I met his lips before he could respond. The kiss was slow and soft as I pulled him against my chest. When we pulled back, I pressed my nose up against his, giving him a little Eskimo kiss. Isn't that what they're called? I didn't know because I'd never received or given one until now.

Is this what having something good felt like?

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
WHY ARE THESE LAST TWO CHAPTERS SO SAPPY? GROSS. Anygay, I'm not going to brush past their issues and will shed light on them in my own way, eventually.

So to explain the things both of them have been through-

Johnny:

-He's been through physical and sexual abuse, obviously.

-His exes manipulated and abused him as well, sometimes physical but mostly mental/emotional. He doesn't trust, like... anyone.

-When his favorite Aunt died in a brutal car accident, he got told over and over by the rest of the family that it was his fault (she was on her way to pick him up and take him out for ice cream for his birthday). She was the only one in the family that was proud of him for anything.

-His father is a drunk and his mother sells herself for heroin and meth.

-He has a past of depression, anxiety, and self-harm.

Now, Ponyboy:

-His first and only boyfriend (before Johnny) was actually 28. He had just turned 13. The man manipulated him into thinking they were in love, then repeatedly took advantage of him. When the man got angry at him, he'd yell, throw things, and put Ponyboy through numerous punishments. Because of the man's anger, Ponyboy was too terrified to tell anyone, so he kept making excuses and lying about it all. The man finally got bored with him and left after six months. After about a year of trying to cope with it on his own, and failing miserably, he finally opened up to Sodapop, and with his brother's help has managed to find a way to make friends, get close to people, and engage in writing again.

-Shortly after his father died, his mother started abusing pain pills. It started with the ones she was prescribed, then progressed until she was making up injuries to get prescribed more, and stealing from any friends or family members that she could. Every penny she earns goes to buying more pills off of the street. She tries to hide it, but everyone already knows. She refuses to admit that she's got a problem and lashes out at anyone who calls her out on it.

-When he told his family that he liked boys, they all shut him out. He's just recently been accepted by his brothers and his mother, but the rest of his family refuses to associate with any of them at this point in time.

-He has an eating disorder, but hasn't ever admitted his struggles with food to anyone. Telling Johnny this was one of the hardest things, because now someone knows.