To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Chapter Three

"You swore off that kind of stuff."

"I know!" I hissed at him, careful to keep my voice down. "But I couldn't stop myself! It's not like I wanted to! One moment, everything was fine and happy, and the next—"

"Okay! Hey, it's going to be alright." He placed his hand on my back, something he only did when I lingered seconds away from having a mental breakdown. The touch was comforting in a way, but I knew I should shrug it off and deny it. "Well, do they know?"

"Worse. He reciprocates," I murmured. I felt totally hopeless, and part of that was reflected in his face.

James groaned softly. "Why do you keep putting yourself in these situations?"

"Because I apparently hate myself."

"May I ask who it is?"

I only glanced over at Alexander as his perfect, adorable laugh filled the room. It reminded me of a chorus of the most beautiful songbirds, singing about how wonderful life was. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help the smile that drifted to my face as I watched him.

James must have followed my gaze, because I felt his hand on my back fall. "Oh Divinity," he cursed, horror creeping into his tone as the realization hit him. "Is it Ale—"

"Keep your voice down!"

"Sorry."

"You fell for Alexander?"

"I never meant to, okay? But I fell. And when I fall—"

"You fall hard," he finished, his words trailing away as he stared in front of him. The magnitude of the situation we were in settled in. James had been through it all with me; if anyone knew how horrible what I did was, it's him.

I buried my face into my knees, basking in the darkness. "I am one hundred percent fucked."

"Thomas, you know that there are multiple reasons why you can't go through with this. One, he's a married man. Or at least, he was a married man. And your mother will never let you break tradition to marry someone who was already sworn away to someone else. Two, we are fighting together in a war, and we cannot afford to let something as unimportant as love to get in the way of something as important as fighting. Three..."

It was a usual tradition, to listen to him go on and on about all the things I was doing wrong. It was the grounding that I needed, no matter how much I hated it.

But then I risked a glance up at Alexander, who was now talking to Eliza, and every concern melted away and disappeared before I could even reach to grab hold of them.

James's voice went soft. "But he makes you happy, doesn't he?"

I covered my eyes with my sleeve, nodding slowly.

A string of silence followed before James gently set his hand on his back once more. "I've noticed it recently. I think I had kind of pieced it together anyway. You just have seemed... brighter."

I nodded again, unable to speak for a few minutes. I drew in a long shaky breath. "I never wanted this to happen."

"It's going to be okay Thomas. We can figure this out. You're allowed to be happy, alright? And if he makes you smile, then why in the world would you chase that away?"

I looked up at him, and his gentle smile was convincing all in its own.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I have no clue."

"How long have you two been... courting?"

I flinched as he said it. "Please don't call it that. It sounds too forced. Just dating is fine. And about a month or two now."