Property of a Gordon

Chapter Thirty Nine (Snowflake)

Kendall was a puzzle piece that fit perfectly with my own edges. He was dense, stubborn, and a pain in the ass, but I couldn't imagine him any other way. He was far from being perfect; I was very aware of that, but he was perfect for me.

I kissed the top of Alex's head in response. I would find Kendall, tease him, and then slip in an apology. Alex had made me realize just how much I needed to spend the evening with Kendall.

"Thank you, Alex. I think I know what to do now," I said with a smile and he returned it, as always.

"You knew all along, miss lady. I only helped you realize it," he replied before saying, "You do what you need. I have much to finish creating, and I hope it works out." With that, I parted ways with him.

Before I visited Kendall, I decided to change my clothes. The one I currently had on was meant for comfort, not playing a game of "which-one-of-us-is-going-to-apologize-first."

I ended up selecting a black, strapless dress that stopped mid-thigh and a pair of golden heels to stand out with my necklace from Kendall. I was dressed to kill, which would suit my alternative purpose if Kendall didn't accept my apology.

I walked with confidence to his office, knowing if he wasn't there now, he would soon find his way to it. Once I was inside, I smirked and walked to his desk, placing myself in his chair and propping my legs up. If Kendall didn't know yet, he was going to find out who was the dominant one in this relationship.

It was only a few minutes before I heard the twist of the doorknob. Kendall walked in, closing the door, and halted the second he saw me.

He looked like a divine creature in the suit I'd chosen for him. The soft color contrasted with his sharp features and dark hair. Even now when he was wearing blue, his eyes glowed, beautiful as always.

"Are you going to throw another hissy fit?" I snapped and watched his heated, staring eyes flicker from confusion to realization in a few seconds.

He walked over as slow as ever before stopping directly in front of me, completely acting as if I hadn't said anything. "Stand up," Kendall said, and I was quick to narrow my eyes at him, forgetting my earlier intentions.

"I'm not-" I started, but he never let me finish.

"I did not tell you to speak, only to stand," he said, but I didn't detect anger. So I smirked back, ready to play.

"Alright, Kendall. I'll play along," I replied, taking my sweet time to stand up, noticing the lingering gaze my legs were receiving.

He surprised me into a smile when he wrapped a gentle arm around me and pulled me against his chest. I was certainly right then that I never wanted him to let go.

His other hand began its journey on the dip of my shoulder before skimming my neck and coming to a soft rest on my cheek. I didn't understand what was happening, but I didn't want to question it quite yet.

"You are my Raelynn," he said and I frowned, feeling as if I was missing something huge. He and Raelynn had dated briefly, so was that why he was comparing the two of us? If so, he was about to start a whole other argument.

I opened my mouth to snap a remark, but instead found myself enjoying the unique taste of Kendall's lips on mine. It was something I didn't think I would ever lose interest in.

"Listen to me before I forget my explanation," he tried, and I hesitated before nodding and doing just that.

"Love, you are my version of Raelynn. It is to you I desire to wake up to, not a cold bed. It is you who keeps me going day after day, hopeful that I will spend a moment with you. You are the sole reason for my happiness, as without you, I would not know the true definition of joy."

I was cursing the involuntary tears that ran down my face without hesitation. This was the last thing I expected Kendall to do, and crying seemed to be what my body found appropriate for the moment, despite my hatred for it.

Kendall didn't laugh or tease me like he would've at any other given moment. He instead gave me a smile, brushing away the tears before leaning down and pressing his lips to the salty trails they had left behind.

He wouldn't know how much this was scaring me or how much it was eating away at me. His touching, personal words terrified me much more than a simple "you're my world" ever would. He was able to twist, veil, and exaggerate words, none of which I could do. I would never be able to describe to him what he was to me, and I didn't know how he'd react when he realized I couldn't give him exactly what he gave me.

"Happiness is knowing I caused those beautiful lips of yours to smile. It is seeing you finding delight like a child in desserts. It is feeling you turn soft under a simple touch from me. It is being able to call you my love and meaning it. It is knowing you have not left me, despite my many flaws. It is knowing you are still here by my side, after everything we have been through. It is knowing I can trust you and that you will be by my side in the future."

Each word was a slow and painful stab at me. Kendall wouldn't feel an ounce of this if he knew what I had done. I'd become an object of disappointment, distrust, and betrayal to him. There was no way we would have any sort of future together.

"Kendall-" I tried, but he refused again to let me talk.

"I am not done yet, love," he said and I opened my mouth, but my words dissolved at his next sentence.

"I am in love with you, Amaryllis. I realized it seeing Lex and Raelynn's happiness, and I realized that was what I wanted. I want the same happiness with you and only you. I want to be able to show you off to others and claim you in front of others, allowing them to be jealous of our chemistry.

I want to be able to call you Mrs. Gordon later down the line and see you carrying our children. I want to grow old with you and see your hair change colors. You, my Snowflake, are the sole reason for my happiness and I am deeply in love with you."

I didn't even bother to hold back my sobs. I was a wreck because Kendall couldn't have picked a worse time to tell me how he felt towards me. I would've given just about anything to go back in time and tell Nolan to take care of the wolves by himself.

It would've happened with or without me, and the only thing it seemed to do for me was haunt me in the shadows of my life and tear at me emotionally.

I had to tell Kendall his vision wasn't possible. He would never get the chance to propose and call me Mrs. Gordon. He would never get the chance to see me carry our children or see the potential lives we could've created. He would never get to watch as my hair lost its color and I aged. Kendall would never experience a single one of those for the simple fact that he wouldn't want anything to do with me after my next words.

"I did it. I released the wolves."