Lacuna || H.S.

chapter one

two years after

I'm starting to think I should've killed myself when I was 13. Or maybe I should've continued going to see the therapist. I'd be curious to see who I could've become. I'm not sure if everyone thinks about this, I'd assume they do but maybe it's just me.

Since my thrilling trip to the shrinks office, I discovered that I have a real talent for things that allow you to become someone completely different. I like writing stories and putting on plays and doing things that people wouldn't expect from me.

When I finished High school I realised that I definitely hadn't been at my very lowest point. I found that without an actual way to spend my time, all I could really do was hang out with the wrong people and do things that were on the wrong side of the law.

I wasn't mad about getting into trouble. I perfectly understood that what I was doing was wrong. The thing that bugged me was the excuses. "Oh Venus, you were the dux of the school" or "Venus! haven't seen you in ages. What are you studying at college" even "Your parents gave you everything and you just threw it away to live like this." It was as if everything I was doing would have been acceptable if I couldn't use my brain and I if had'nt've had a good start in life.

I'll always advocate against drug use. I can see how shitty they are but that doesn't mean I won't use them. I guess all of my beliefs make me the poster person for hypocrisy but it doesn't matter. It's not like I use them religiously. Sometimes I just have a bad night or a bad day or a bad week.

I still go to school. My parents tolerated a lot but as soon as I told them I didn't want to continue my education I almost got sent out to dig my grave. It's because my fathers a very strong advocate for how useless young people are in Australia. He's not completely wrong, the parents that have been taught that they can receive government handouts even when there's nothing wrong with them just create children who then carry on their beliefs and their lifestyle. After all, you get more money with more children.

I'm studying biomedical engineering in Sydney. I'm not sure if I like it yet, it's only been two weeks. Statistics say that there's a fair chance you end up in a career similar (if not equal) to your parents. My dads a chemical engineer so the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

"Are you going to move?" Some far off voice begins to talk. So now I hear more voices than the one that's constantly talking in my head. Phenomenal.

"Hello?" It speaks again. Sounds kind of like a girl who wears a lot of red and probably has a big handbag that she takes everywhere with her. I've zoned out again. Alright, close your eyes then breathe in and breathe out. "Is something wrong?"

My guess wasn't too far off, she's wearing red and she has a handbag but it isn't as big as I pictured. She's also got sunglasses propped up on top of her head which I didn't account for. "Yeah sorry, I totally just zoned out." I blink a few times before grabbing my bag from the floor and exiting the row, allowing her to follow behind me.

"Do you do that a lot?" She questions. I'm not sure if I appreciate her prying like this but I don't feel like making enemies. I didn't mean for it to happen, usually I can recognise when i'm about to fall off the rails but sometimes it just feels so nice.

"Just sometimes." I inform her. She nods in return. I wonder what it's like in her head. Everyone has a head voice right? I wonder whether hers sings one song in the background on a bad day.

"I'm Anna, sorry if i've made myself seem nosy. I mean I am nosy but it's kind of a weird thing to say about yourself so." She trails off as we walk out of the door into the open common room.

It's funny how quickly a lecture room of 170 odd people can dissipate so quickly. The dramatic three metre wide carpeted stairs rolling down each side of the building are virtually empty. "I'm Vee."