Elusion // l.h

Chapter 10-Warmth

My mind was then a little bit more at ease to know that my mother would at least be getting more money for this goose chase. Not to sound rude or anything, but I just didn’t understand the purpose of this. But, if it is able to ease the financial situation, then it was fine with me. Australia is also a very beautiful country, and my mom will be able to experience at least some of it.

-  

After more rambling with Liz, I was finally at home. I talked to my mom about her “business trips” and she seemed pretty excited. I didn’t want to dim her excitement by bringing up my negative views on things, so I left it alone and let her be happy. She was thrilled about getting to see more of Australia, just like I had expected. She did apologize that she was leaving me all alone and that all of this was so short notice. I gave her the “I’m almost 18 years old” speech and she left it alone.

On contrary to my so called “speech”, I was a little bit nervous being all alone. I live in a very safe place, but I would still feel weird without her here. She obviously noticed my tension so she bribed me once again with Divergent and popcorn. 

“Why don’t you invite someone over?” My mother suggested with a full mouth of popcorn.

“Yeah, I’ll have a crazy house party!” I exclaimed, obviously joking.

“Ha-ha, very funny. No seriously, invite someone! You won’t feel as lonely, and it’s a good way to bond with people.” 

I let the suggestion go through my mind and I actually considered it. I knew inviting Ashton was kind of weird, since he was a guy. I personally didn’t think it was a big deal, but it could rub off the wrong way to certain people and my mom. 

“Yeah, that’s actually a good idea…” I quietly said facing my mom.

“See? Your mom doesn’t always have crap ideas does she?” She laughed.  

*  

That night, I didn’t get the best night of sleep. I felt like a little kid with separation anxiety at kindergarten, but I let myself feel that way anyway. 

Mothers give a person that certain feeling of warmth. Some people don’t know how to explain what they feel towards their mothers. Obviously, mainly it’s love, but apart from love, a child feels a non spoken and almost indirect warmth. It’s like a forcefield that simultaneously keeps you safe and sound. If you really think about it, when we are in the womb, regardless of the safety and care that we get, we are warm. When we come out into the real world, the warmth is gone. Its gone because we are exposed to the much colder atmosphere, but also because we are disconnected. We are briefly disconnected from our mothers and that puts us in distress. Although so many biological reasons come in play, the fundamental fact is; we feel separated from something we loved and enjoyed.  Moving to Australia, brought that warmth back. I don’t want to compare a move across the world to a woman’s womb, but I always felt like my mother was all I had, but the way we reconnected, we could be on the moon, but as long as we were together, I would be more than fine. 

With that being said, I hugged my mom goodbye in the morning and just headed to school. I didn’t think that there was anything else left to do. She did seem pretty sensitive as I said goodbye, but I did still notice the excitement in her eyes. She’ll be back on Friday night. I kept telling myself. Only a few days.    For the first time since being here, it was surprisingly cold. The walk to school was a bit chilly, which added to the slightly depressing mood. Stupidly, I wore a short sleeved shirt with skinny jeans so ripped that there was almost no fabric on it, thus letting all the air go in. I never walked more than 15 minutes but after about 5, I was freezing. While walking, I saw Luke drive by he just whooshed past. I wasn’t expecting anything, but I found it quite amusing.