Been Here All Along

40| defense

It's still true to some extent. Having Kaila by my side is making this easier on me, but it doesn't make me invincible by any means.

The second I stepped into the room, the first thing I'd seen was Ian's casket at the front. My lip instantly began quivering and my body started to shake. It felt like I was stabbed in the chest and left for dead.

"Morning, girls," Mrs. Miller greeted us with open arms. The big room was not yet so busy, but it made sense considering it only just began and the window for visitation is so vast. "There are snacks upstairs you can feel free to help yourself too."

I nodded my head slightly, unable to take my eyes off of Ian's casket.

Mrs. Miller followed my gaze and frowned. For lack of words to use right now, she reacted by briefly rubbing my back in a soothing manner.

She excused herself to go greet new people that had just walked in. I stayed staring.

"Why don't you go up there?" Kaila suggested, resting her head on my shoulder. She wore flats today while I wore heels, so for once I was the taller one.

"I'm not ready."

"That's okay, go at your own pace, Jos." Kaila also excused herself to go converse. I still didn't move.

A touch on my shoulder is what got me to finally look away from the casket that Ian lay limp in.

I turned around to see Sophie Ric. She went to high school with us and had a huge crush on Ian freshman year, which was before Ian and I started dating. They went on a couple dates toward the end of the year, but Ian had broken it off right before summer began.

Let's just say, when Ian and I started dating not longer after that, she wasn't my biggest fan.

I didn't even think about the fact people from high school will likely be showing up. Ian was friends with everyone.

"Hi, Sophie," I said awkwardly. I have not spoken a word to her since sophomore year.

"Hey, Josie," she offered me a pitiful smile. "I'd ask how you are, but I can already assume you're not well."

She's got that right.

"I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss, is all. Ian was a great guy. You guys were perfect for each other."

It only took her 7 years to admit it.

"Thank you." Now was not the time to be petty over a high school dispute. She kindly showed up to his funeral to pay respects. It was a nice gesture. She nodded and walked away to get a look at the pictures of Ian covering the room.

"Hey," Hayden greeted me with Mr. Miller in tow. I forced a small smile onto my face as a response. "Some of Ian's unit is going to be here soon."

"I didn't realize they'd be coming so early."

"Ian was a highly respected soldier on his base." The comment put a genuine grin on my face because it doesn't even surprise me. Everyone that has ever met Ian has loved him. He's such a loyal, respectful man.

"I believe it."

Mr. Miller went to go greet newcomers with Mrs. Miller, but Hayden stayed by my side.

"You heard from Mason?"

"Nope," I declined. I didn't even realize until now that he hasn't shown up yet. He's probably going through the same struggle of getting up this morning like I did. He didn't have anyone to help him get through the dreaded process of preparing himself for his friend's funeral though. "I'll take care of it."