Call of the Red (A Sequel to I Am Not Crazy)

The Second Entry

Okay, here we go again. I suppose I should start this time by saying that it has been a little while since my first entry. So much has been going on, but my therapist told me that I really should keep trying. It did kinda help the first time. Work has been killing me, the only good parts of my day are when I'm home with Leon. He showed me a drawing yesterday, it was stick figures fighting, he was so proud. One had a sword, and the other had an ax. I asked him why only one of them had a sword, while the other had an ax. He looked up at me and said "Why would two people with a sword fight? They're the same. Only different people fight." I never knew that's how he saw the world. This morning I was walking from my car and going to my office, I swear I heard someone say the same thing Leon said yesterday, "Only different people fight." It was as if they called it to me as I walked by. I turned and looked down the parking garage, the nearest person had to have been twenty or so yards away. Maybe I'm just working myself up over nothing. I have been thinking about those letters too much, so my therapist tells me. I think I just need to take a few days off of work, maybe just the weekend. So I can stay home, or take Leon to the zoo. He'd like that. Leon loves animals, his favorite animal is a tiger. That's kinda funny now that I think about it. You'd think it would be the other big cat. I called an old friend to see if she wanted to hangout and she just said that life is getting too busy for her too. It is so difficult to relax now. Not like it was easy before, but now everything is on the verge of falling apart. My boss is expecting more out of all of us, bills are piling up, and on top of all of it I have to see my therapist over some stupid letters. I wish Kyle would have just gone home rather than continue to travel the country on his weird adventures for so many years. I can't keep going on like this. If it goes on much longer I don't know whether or not I would care if the world came to an end. I miss Leon's father. None of this would be so hard if he was still here, Leon would have a good man to look up to. In recent years, I thought Kyle could have been that for him. Now I don't think so. Who is Leon going to talk to when he starts becoming a man? Who is going to tell him that life is hard and give him some wise things to remember? I'm his mom, I'm gonna be there to tell him that it is okay. I'll do my best to try and tell him what he needs to know about life, I just don't know if he'll listen to me.