The Death of Antinous || bxb ✔︎

EXITUS ACTA PROBAT

Leonides' face broke into huge a smile, his blue eyes as bright as the sky. He looked the same but different, his features sharper, shoulders broader, but he had the same generous mouth and mop of gold curls that fell hopelessly over his brow. He was a man but he was also the boy who gave Antinous his tablet when no one would give him so much as a kind word.

"Antinous," he repeated. "I thought I'd never see you again."

A solitary eagle screeched overhead. The entire amphitheatre was silent watching him, Hadrian most closely of all.

Antinous turned to the Emperor. "I don't know him."

The light left the athlete's eyes and his expression twisted with hurt and confusion.

"We—we went to Caelian Hill together."

Antinous, again speaking only to Hadrian, said, "I don't remember him."

The Emperor beckoned Antinous and he rose from the dais still clutching the laurel wreath. Hadrian looked very carefully in his lover's eyes and then at his hands. They weren't shaking.

He turned to the athlete. "My beloved has many admirers. What is your name?"

"Leonides, son of Maximianus. I am a legionnaire in the Roman army."

His father was in the senatorial box with a frown on his face. He had aged two decades in the five years since Leonides left for Judea. They were estranged. He did not cheer for his son. Hadrian considered this. The Emperor was at odds with the senate and commanded the army. Leonides chose to join the legionaries, which meant he chose to serve his Caesar instead of his own father.

He motioned for Antinous to place the laurel on his head. Leonides kneeled and Antinous once again willed his hands not to shake. He never imagined he would ever stand so close to Leonides again. It was like a dream: he wanted to take in every lock of hair, every inch of smooth skin, his scent—like juniper and iron—and commit it all to memory before he woke up.

Antinous tucked the wreath into the forest of blonde curls and stepped back. He thought their exchange was over when Hadrian said to Leonides, "Now kiss his hand."

Surely he would not ask him to kiss the hand of his consort in front of the man's father! Was this an insult or another test? Or was it perhaps a peace offering? Was Hadrian was telling him that he was more than just a consort? Having his subjects kneel before him and kiss his hand may have been his way of bringing honour to Antinous' position.

On his knees, Leonides took his hand in front of the entire amphitheatre without shame. Hadrian had gotten on his knees for Antinous countless times of course but only in the privacy of their bedchamber. Never when the world was watching.

Terrified of revealing his true feelings, Antinous held out his hand limply. He was as cold as the gold serpent on his finger.

Leonides shut his eyes and pressed a kiss on the top of his hand. Antinous the schoolboy would have died a thousand times to receive such a kiss. His old friend's lips were warm and they lingered. A rush of blood crept up Antinous' neck.

He snatched his hand back.

Leonides was wounded when Antinous stretched out on the dais and snapped his fingers for the slave to bring him more grapes.

Hadrian shrugged apologetically, as if Antinous' insolence was a mere inconvenience, like having a pet that bites.

Before he returned to the arena, Hadrian asked the athlete to join him at his villa that evening for a banquet held in the victors' honour.